


Oudoom Ennicht

by ienablu



Series: Nicht Entuinen [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghosts, Gen, Hoth, Jedi Training, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Porn, Rating May Change, Rey-Centric, Threesome - F/M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-06-06 13:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6755248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ienablu/pseuds/ienablu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey arrives at the Resistance base with a silent Luke Skywalker. Rey starts her training, but in the absence of Luke answering any questions, a Force Ghost named Anakin starts to aid in her training.</p><p>currently: The Resistance has relocated to Hoth. It's cold. Rey doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is both a work in progress (as it is Not Done), and also complete (as I've got a shitty first draft([tm](https://wrd.as.uky.edu/sites/default/files/1-Shitty%20First%20Drafts.pdf)) of about 85% of the fic). Which is to say, this is not a WIP that will be abandoned. As it is being posted in installments, and as the tags say, both tags and rating are going to updated as the story is updated.
> 
> Current planned time frame is that I'll post every fourth Wednesday at noon.

### Prologue

  

Rey holds out the lightsaber.

Luke takes it from her. Stares down silently at it.

Wind whips between them, water crashes against the rocks.

Rey waits for him to say something, anything. For him to look back at her.

He does neither. His hand clenches around the lightsaber, and slowly lowers to his side. He walks past her, starts down the way Rey had come up.

Rey watches him walk away. She feels unsettled, like there should have been something more, like she missed something. There’s nothing to be done about it, though, so she hurries after him; down the steps, down the rocks, down the hills.

When they come to the last hill, Rey rushes past Luke to be the first to crest the hill. Chewie and R2 are waiting. She waves down at them.

Chewie waves back, and lets out a dull roar of greeting. R2’s beeping can be faintly heard over the wind.

When Luke crests the hill, Chewie roars even louder, and R2’s frantic beeping pierces the gust of the wind.

Rey looks back to Luke, looking for a reaction, looking for a sign or a tell. There isn’t one. Rey’s survived as long as she has in part because she can read people. Of those on Jakku, she knew who was dangerous, who could be trusted, and who she could safely turn her back on. Rey trusts Luke, in a deep, instinctual way, but his body language does nothing to support that trust. It should make her distrust him, as it has rightly made distrust others who were similarly guarded, but she doesn’t. She can’t.

She jogs down the hill, and is glad when Chewie reaches down to give her a brief hug before he goes back to watching Luke approach. Luke was spry enough as he headed down the steps, but now he takes his time, each footstep placed perfectly, before he comes down to the landing site.

Chewis wraps Luke in an enthusiastic embrace that lifts Luke off his feet for a few long moments. R2 enthuses about seeing Luke again, Chewie roaring his agreement.

When his feet are back on the ground, Luke responds by setting his hand on Chewie’s arm and squeezing it lightly. The sides of his mouth flicker up into a small smile. To R2, he sets his hand down on the top of his head, while the droid rocks from side to side, welcoming him back.

Chewie starts up back into the Falcon, R2 following. Luke walks two steps up the ramp, and sets his hand on one of the hydraulic struts.

Rey stares at him for a long minute before she blurts out, “Did you feel it?”

Luke turns and looks at her for the first time since taking his lightsaber back. He nods once.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

He nods once more, and disappears up into the Falcon.

Rey takes one more look around the island. She had come here with a purpose, and been too focused on Luke to appreciate the beauty of the island. She’s always loved islands; she doesn’t know how, there only being fragmented remnants of childhood memories, but she knows. And this island truly is beautiful – green and lush and peaceful and alive. And with the Jedi Steps, the first Jedi Temple, there is something deep within her that resonates here, that grieves at her leaving. 

She wants to return here some day, and she will.

Until then, she walks up into the Falcon.

  

  

### Chapter 1

  

Rey sends Leia a communication that she has found Luke and they are on their way back to the new Resistance base, before plugging in the coordinates. While the First Order is down the Starkiller Base, they still knew the location of the Resistance base on D’Qar, and the generals thought it best to relocate. And so, the base has been relocated to Bakura, on the edge of the Western Reaches, dangerously close to the Unknown Regions.

It’s night when they land, and only a few patrolling Resistance members are up at this hour. Rey is chilly as she steps down from the Falcon, a sensation that is still new – and mildly thrilling – to her. A few of the longer nights on Jakku would get cooler at night, but this is brisker.

An administrative Resistance member with a databoard approaches them. She stares at Luke for a long few seconds, before clearing her throat and turning to Rey. “General Organa asked me to tell you that she has returned, and is in her room.”

Rey nods. And then adds, “Thanks,” when it becomes evident Luke will not be speaking anytime soon.

Rey gets into the base and down a few hallways before she realizes she didn’t ask _where_ Leia’s room is. She turns around, looks at Luke and Chewie, and R2 behind them, and admits, “I don’t know where I’m going.”

R2 does, and moves around Chewie, and continues their procession down the hallway.

Rey’s sheepishness fades at the fact that she was at least heading in the right direction. The base doesn’t seem entirely completed, bare concrete walls and exposed electrical wiring running along the ceiling.

They pass a corridor and the sound of metallic footsteps follows them. “Master Luke? Master Luke, could that be you?”

They stop, and C3PO catches up to them. “Oh, it _is_ you! How good it is to see you again, how long it has been! Why I was almost worried that I would never see you again!”

Luke nods to C3PO, and continues towards Leia’s room.

“Oh, dear me, is it something that I said?”

Rey shakes her head. “He hasn’t spoken yet.”

“That is quite strange,” C3PO says.

Chewie agrees.

Rey doesn’t. After being alone for so long, sometimes the silence can become company on its own.

R2 has rolled on to lead Luke down a new hallway. Rey follows after him, followed by Chewie and C3PO.

After another minute, R2 stops at a door, which he announces as Leia’s room.

Luke stills.

Rey is the one to step forward and knock. Leia smiles when she sees her. Then Rey takes a step back, and Leia looks past her to see Luke. Her expression flickers through a few emotions, before going soft and relaxed. She takes a step back, and gestures them in.

Once the doors have closed, Leia pulls Luke into a hug, her arms tight around his neck. He wraps one arm around her.

She pulls back, and drags her palm against her eyes. “I’m holding up as best as I can.” She raises a hand to his face, brushes a strand of hair away. “How are you?”

Luke doesn’t reply.

She sighs. “I figured.”

Luke pulls back and hands her the lightsaber.

“Luke…” she says, voice soft. “No, Luke, don’t say that.”

Rey frowns. She’s versed in a few different languages, a few solely kinetic, but she hasn’t noticed anything that would give away Luke speaking to Leia. She turns to Chewie.

Chewie shrugs, and lets out a small noise.

Leia turns back to them, blinking as if she completely forgot about them in the past minute. “Thank you, Rey,” she says.

Rey smiles. She feels awkward, like she’s intruding. Like she doesn’t belong in this reunion. Which is no concern, because there’s another matter on her mind. “Uh, General–”

“Leia,” she insists.

“Leia, is Finn awake yet?”

Her expression goes somber. “No, not yet.”

Rey’s chest tightens. “Which way to the medbay?”

“C3PO, could you please show her?”

“Of course, General Leia,” he replies. “Miss Rey, please come with me.”

It’s a silent walk to the medbay.

Rey stops at the door.

“I have some duties I must tend to,” C3PO starts, “but this building is well equipped with a number of communication devices, please feel free to seek me out if you need any assistance.”

She smiles. “Thank you, C3PO.”

He seems quite pleased. “You are quite welcome. I’m glad you are one of the politer humans,” he adds, mostly to himself, as he walks away.

She takes a moment to compose herself, before she enters the medbay.

It’s a deep, narrow room, overcrowded with equipment, but mostly empty of occupants. From what Rey understands, there were few minor injuries. Mostly deaths. Long-term patients are located towards the back, and Rey’s pulse picks up as she makes her way deeper into the medbay, weaving around beds and machines. After one final piece of machinery, she finally sees Finn.

And she stops.

Sitting on a bench facing the bed is Poe.

BB-8 notices her first, and lets out an excited chirp.

Poe startles, then looks down to BB-8. “Hey, buddy, hush, it’s too late.” 

BB-8’s reply is too quiet for her to hear.

Poe turns around. His eyes light up when he sees her. “Hey.” He pats the spot next to him. “How was the flight?”

She makes her way over, sits down next to him. “The Falcon needs some further maintenance, but it still flies well.”

Poe nods. “Good to hear, but I was also asking about you. You look tired. Are you okay?”

It makes Poe the second person to ask if she’s okay. The first is lying comatose in front of her. She stares at Finn for a long minute. “Tired,” she finally replies.

“You want to head back to your bunk?” Poe asks, voice softer. “I promise, as soon as Finn wakes up, I’ll find you and bring you to him.”

Rey shakes her head. “Thank you. And that sounds nice, but I can last a little while longer.”

“I mean it, though. Whatever happens, if you’re off training when he comes back, I’ll come and get you. Me and BB-8 are here when we can be, and the med crew looks after him when we’re away. I can let them know to add you to the list of people to contact when he wakes.”

Rey nods. She repeats, “Thanks.” After a moment, she adds, “Same for you. Find you, that is. I imagine you’re already on that list.”

Poe turns to stare at Finn. “First on it,” he murmurs, more to himself. He shakes his head, looks back at Rey. “When does your Jedi training start?”

“I don’t know. Luke hasn’t spoken a word to me, about training or otherwise. I want to train, but I worry…”

Poe reaches up, and tentatively sets his hand between her shoulderblades. “It’s too late to worry right now.” After a few moments, he starts rubbing his hand up and down her back.

It feels good. Soothing. Rey lets out a sigh, and lists against Poe’s side. Every few minutes, he shifts slightly, angling his body more towards her, making it easier for her to lean against him. Eventually she ends up with her head on his shoulder, her forehead against his neck. His hand slows to a stop, and ends curled loosely around Rey’s hip.

Poe’s arm is around her, but her gaze stays fixed on Finn, even as her eyelids get heavier and heavier and… 

*

When she opens her eyes, Finn is the first thing she sees. He’s still asleep.

Rey’s still against Poe’s side. She’s warm and comfortable. Slowly, she pulls herself out from under his arm.

He stirs, gazing at Finn before looking to Rey. “You okay?” his voice sluggish.

She shakes her head. There were a few sandstorms on Jakku so fierce that the entirety of Niima Outpost got together to weather them out. Rey learned quickly never to turn her back on anyone, never to present a vulnerable angle. Everything about Poe, from Finn’s talk of him, to Poe’s body language as they’ve talked, shows that he’s trustworthy. Rey feels like she can trust him. But caution runs deep. “I’m fine,” she says, quickly. His eyes furrow, and she feels guilty.

She gets up. She becomes aware of how little she’s slept during this entire ordeal.

"Do you know where your bunk is?" Poe asks.

Rey shakes her head.

"C'mon, I know where they are putting all the new recruits," he says, getting to his feet. His hand goes to Finn’s, and he squeezes briefly.

Rey wants to do the same. Finn had talked about Poe, the brave Resistance fighter who gave him a new name. Rey knows where she stands with Finn. She does not know where she stands with Finn and Poe.

It’s another silent journey as Poe leads her down a few hallways. Rey memorizes the route instantly. Her room to the med bay, her to Finn, it seems the most important path to learn here.

Still, she gives Poe a side glance.

He's staring at her himself. He looks away, nods his head down the hallway. "If you need anything, anything at all, go about three hallways down, take a left, a right down the next hallway, and my name on my room,” he says, moving his hand in demonstration through each turn. “I managed to snag a single room, so if you want to swing by, you don't need to worry about waking anyone else up."

She nods. "Thanks."

BB-8 beeps, offering to stay with Rey in case she needs to navigate anywhere else.

"BB-8 is just offering because apparently neither you nor Finn snore as much as I do," Poe says, with a crooked smile.

BB-8 beeps in protest.

It is late at night, and Rey is about to be surrounded by strangers. It would be nice to have one familiar presence around. “Thanks,” she repeats.

Poe sets his hand on Rey’s shoulder, thumb sweeping over the bare skin. Her eyes flutter closed for a moment. “Get some rest,” he tells her, softly. He walks down three hallways down, before taking a left and disappearing from sight. (A right down the next hallway.)

Rey opens the door, lets BB-8 head in first, shining a light over the room.

After living in a hulled-out AT-AT, the room is remarkably spacious to her. There are two bunk beds against opposing walls. Counting the lumps under covers, the right bunk bed is fully occupied, but the left bunk has the bottom bed free.

She has not gotten much sleep, and she stumbles over to the bed, eager to rest. The bed is new and unfamiliar. It's too soft, and she never feels like she's completely still – instead, she feels as though she's sinking lower and lower and not settling down.

She will, though. Her mind will settle and she fall asleep.

*

Her mind does not settle. She sleeps in fits and bursts, dozing off for a few minutes before jolting back awake. She can’t keep track of the minutes as they pass, but she knows she must have been doing this for nearly two hours.

After another ten minutes of sleeplessness, she sighs and gets out of bed.

BB-8 wakes from sleep mode, and beeps quizzically at her.

Rey bends down. In a hushed tone, she asks, “Do you know the way to General Organa?” She had been eager to see Finn when leaving there, and although she could find her way back, it might take some time.

BB-8 nods and leads Rey out of the room. This time, she makes sure to count the hallways.

There is an unfamiliar Resistance member standing outside Leia’s room as guard. He eyes her suspiciously as she approaches.

“I was wondering if I could speak with General Organa,” Rey says.

“Name?”

“Rey.”

“Rey what?”

“Just… just Rey.”

He consults his pad, then nods, and opens the door for her.

Inside, Leia is sitting with Luke, two chairs pulled close together. Leia had been speaking, but she silences at Rey’s entrance. 

“Oh, sorry,” Rey says. “I can come back later, really–”

Luke raises his hand, and Rey stills. He gets to his feet, and squeezes Leia’s shoulder.

He nods at Rey as he passes, and exits the room.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Leia shakes her head. “It’s alright. After how long he’s been away, it’s gonna be a while before we catch up. Come in, Rey. You’re welcome anytime.”

Rey makes her way in, but she hesitates to take Luke’s seat.

“What’s on your mind?” Leia asks. But with her tone of voice, the way Leia’s looking at Rey, Rey guesses Leia already knows.

“I was just wondering about Luke. I know he’s the key to bringing down the First Order, but in addition to that, I thought he would train me as a Jedi.”

Leia sighs. “He will,” she assures. “But after what happened with the last apprentice he took on… He’s wary. And he’s been alone for so long, I think he needs a few days to adjust to being around people. I think the same could be said for you. But as long as you are willing to learn, he will train you. I’ll see to it,” she adds, more of a mutter to herself.

Rey nods, but she doesn’t feel entirely assuaged.

“Anything else on your mind?”

An island that was not Achtoo. Finn lying comatose in the medbay. Her new bed soft and unlike she’s ever been on.

But for all that Leia has been welcoming, and would listen to Rey, she looks exhausted. Must be exhausted.

Rey is exhausted. She shakes her head.

“You’re welcome anytime,” Leia repeats, as Rey leaves.

BB-8 starts out first, but Rey says, “I want to see if I can remember how to get back.”

It goes quicker than the trip there, and Rey almost second-guesses herself. But she’s honed her ability to memorize paths. Rey stops before what has to be her door. “This is it, right?”

BB-8 trills happily and rolls around Rey’s legs. Rey opens the door, steps into the room. She eyes the bed warily. After a few moments of debate, she pulls a blanket off the bed, and, knowing she can wake earlier than anyone else in the room, she goes over to the far left corner of the room. BB-8 beeps questioningly.

Rey just shushes BB-8, already feeling sleepiness overcome her. The floor is not exactly comfortable, but it's better than the bed. She shuffles a few more times, rests her head against the wall, and finally goes to sleep.

*

She wakes from a dead sleep when she hears the sound of footfalls.

A Durosian is standing in the middle of the room, stretching. She turns and sees Rey, and her expression is sympathetic. “Morning,” is all she says, though.

“Morning,” Rey greets, mouth thick with sleep.

“Gar Zhugazi,” she introduces.

“Rey.”

“I’m one of the new pilots. What about you?”

Rey hesitates. She's not sure whether or not her status as a Jedi-in-training is to be known publicly yet. Or whether or not it will happen. "I don't know."

She nods. "That’s alright. As far as I’ve heard, as long as you're here to help the Resistance, they'll take all the help they can get. Pilots are the most in-demand, but there's also ways to help around the base. Lots of medics needed too. And people to help out in the kitchens, I would imagine, after all the new members coming in."

"Kitchen?" Rey asks, perhaps too eagerly.

Gar smirks, and nods her head towards the door. "I'll show you the way."

Rey commits the route to memory. 

Double-doors open up into a wide room, bursting with the sounds of the mid-morning breakfast crowd. Dozens of people are sitting at cramped tables with benches, cutlery scraping against plates a background noise to the murmur of dozens of conversations.

Across the canteen is a line of a buffet.

Rey feels her stomach clench in hunger. It's food. Available food. A lot of available food. She hadn't been able to believe that she could take her pick while she was at Maz Kanada's castle, and she finds it just as hard to believe here as well. It’s the most food she’s ever seen in her life.

Her new friend describes what most things are – although there's a standard kitchen crew, people rotate in to help out, to share recipes, bringing together food from all of the galaxy – but Rey only listens distantly, too busy herself categorizing the food. There’s proteins, grains, fruits and vegetables, sauces and dips, and Rey takes a small sample of everything, as well as sneaking two extra rolls into the pouch on her belt. While the hanging folds of her thin cotton crosspiece would be perfect to stash more food in, she doesn’t want to change out of the shirt and vest that Leia gave her. Maybe she could wear the crosspiece on top of her new shirt, under the vest.

Gar leads Rey over to where another Durosian is sitting, and the two of them strike up a conversation while Rey eats. 

And eats.

Rey is sucking the remnant of sauce from her thumb – the red sauce, she hadn’t been fond of the green sauce – when she hears BB-8 beep out her name. She’s immediately on her feet.

“It was nice meeting you,” Gar says. “And don’t worry, I can take your tray back to the kitchens.”

“Thanks. And it was great meeting you too,” Rey says, beaming, before jogging over to where BB-8 is idling in the doorway. As soon as she’s close, she asks, “Is Finn–”

BB-8 lets out a sad noise, head drooping. Still in the medbay, then. But BB-8 says there’s a surprise waiting for Rey, and starts rolling away before Rey can ask what it is.

Two hallways later, C3PO waves at them. “Ah, Miss Rey, Master Luke is waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?” Rey repeats. Her stomach jumps in nervousness, before her face splits into a grin. “He’s going to train me?”

“Yes, that is what General Leia has told me.”

“Master Luke, is that how I should address him?”

“I believe ‘Master Skywalker’ is the appropriate form of address for one such as yourself.”

 _Such as herself_. Rey is going to be a Jedi student.

BB-8 leaves to return to Poe, and C3PO takes the lead. Rey has to keep herself from bouncing. She was expecting it to be longer until her training would start. A number of hallways later, C3PO stops alongside where R2 is waiting.

“Master Luke is ready for you,” C3PO says, opening the door and gesturing her in.

Rey takes a deep breath in, forces herself to match Luke’s quiet calm from the other day, and steps into the room.

The room is twice the size of Rey’s barrack. Only slightly brighter than the room had been, the lights on half-power. Aside from the lamps in each corner, the only other things in the room are two round meditation chairs, stationed at the center of the room.

Luke is sitting on one chair. He has shed his cloak, and in the dim of the room, the light colored tunics almost seem to glow. For how awestruck she been to see him in person the first time, he somehow seems so much bigger, so much grander, than last time.

“Master Skywalker,” Rey greets.

He nods at her, and gestures her to the remaining stool.

She studies his position. He is sitting with his legs under him, and the palms of his hands are resting on his knees.

She toes off her boots, and mirrors his position.

He moves his hands so the backs are on his knees, and his thumb and middle finger touch.

Rey mimics it.

He nods, and moves his hands back to the first position. He takes a deep breath in, then lets it out. Long, calm, even breathes. After the fifth, Rey takes her cue, matching her breathing to his. He nods again, and closes his eyes.

Meditation has always come easily to Rey. Alone on Jakku, while waiting for– while waiting, there were a lot of empty moments. Hours that were too hot or too dark to scavenge. She filled some of them by making a doll out of debris she couldn’t sell, or digging through the sand in search for small flowers. But some days it was not enough. The thoughts – who are her parents, why did they leave her, why have they not returned for her yet, how much longer could she– still pressed on her, threatened to suffocate her. So she would sit outside, let the sun beat down on her, clear her mind. Silent hours would pass by in meditation.

It doesn’t come easily to Rey now.

Thoughts skitter around in her mind like womprats scurrying along the inside of an old Imperial Star Destroyer. She wonders if the sun had anything to do with it – midday heat in Jakku robbed her and many others of their strength, and she simply lacked the energy to fidget.

She’s fidgeting now. 

She frowns, and tries to focus harder.

Focusing on not focusing. When she could slip into it, meditating was easy, but she can’t help but think about how to stop thinking. She needs to stop being critical and to trust herself. But how can she trust herself after all that has happened? She’s not doing well, she would do better were she to have multiple students learning with her, multiple teachers teaching her, but she can’t have that, she can't have that because– 

“It’s not your anger, it’s Luke’s.”

Rey startles, eyes opening.

A blue-tinted glowing figure stands beside Luke. He’s not much older than Rey, and dressed in Jedi robes – not identical to Luke’s attired, but with similar layering, and a similar brown robe. His hair curls at the end, and a scar curves down from his temple to his cheekbone. His gaze is assessing but kind.

“Jedi are susceptible to many emotions,” he tells her. “Especially anger. You are not only fighting your own anger, but Luke’s. It is a difficult task, but you are doing well.”

The compliment catches her off-guard, and it leaves her speechless, the _who are you?_ dying on the tip of her tongue.

“My name is Anakin,” he says in introduction. “As for your other questions, those can be answered in time. For now, close your eyes.”

She does so.

“If you were able to sense me, you have opened yourself up to the Force. Now focus on it. Feel the Force as it flows into you, flows out of you…”

She felt the encompassing enormity of the Force at the apex of her fight with Kylo Ren. She could focus it then, but trying to tap into that reservoir now… 

“Don’t aim so high to begin with.”

She understands now that she has felt the Force in small ways during her life, and she tries to pinpoint what that has felt like. A moment of clarity and concentration and surety. Like finding a flower in the desert. She plucks that feeling.

“That’s it,” comes Anakin’s voice. “Good. Hold onto that.”

Hold on.

That is something Rey can do.

*

An abrupt shift in energy has Rey opening her eyes. She sees that Luke has made his way to her, but he has stopped in the middle of the room. “Are we–” she starts, but her voice rasps. She swallows a few times, and asks, “Are we done already?”

He nods, and starts towards the door.

 _If you were able to sense me, you have opened yourself up to the Force._ “Master Skywalker?”

He turns to her.

“Would it be alright if I stayed here a while longer?”

He stares at her for a long minute, gaze piercing, before he nods.

In the following silence, Rey closes her eyes. Focuses on meditating again.

It comes easier this time. Anakin made a comment about her anger, but Rey has long since learned to contain her anger, and it is easy to keep it at bay. Worry and concern are stronger – _Finn_ , she thinks, _is he okay willhebeokay_ – but she turns those thoughts away.

Something in the air shifts, and Rey knows she is not alone. She opens her eyes.

Anakin is sitting across from her, on Luke’s chair. He smiles at her. “Hello, Rey.”

All the questions that faded during meditation come back to her. “How do you know my name?” she asks. “What are you doing here? Who are you?”

“I know your name because you are strong with the Force. And my name is Anakin.”

“Anakin who?”

He’s silent for a moment, before softly saying, “Naberrie. I was a Jedi, before the formation of the Galactic Empire.”

“Why are you here?”

“Traditionally, a padawan is taken by one Jedi. In the days of the Republic, though, a padawan would be able to learn from any Jedi they encountered. And sometimes when a Jedi has passed away, if they had a strong enough connection to a still-living Jedi, they have been able to tap into the Force, and manifest themselves as ghosts to continue giving guidance. With our numbers as small as they are, it makes it that much easier.”

“So you have a connection to Luke?”

“The Jedi who began training Luke was the Jedi who trained me.”

“Who was that?”

“Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was…” Anakin shakes his head, a sad smile on his face. “He was a good man, and a skilled Jedi Master. He died too soon–”

An abrupt sorrow flashes through her, and Anakin disappears. “Anakin?” she asks, looking around the room. She tries to reconnect to the Force, but she suddenly becomes aware of how fatigued she is.

She stands. Sensation returns like needles up her legs, then hunger stabs in her stomach. Rey reaches down for one of the rolls she had taken earlier. She bites into it, and knows that it was made fresh, not a dehydrated ration. It goes as fast as she can chew it. She wants to stow away the second roll. But she’s still hungry, and wants to eat it, savor the taste of real bread this time. Is the canteen still open?

According to the chronometer, it’s well into the night. She could still see if the canteen was open.

Or… 

Poe is already sitting on the bench beside Finn, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands.

Rey comes in closer, and bites her lip. "Mind if I join you?"

Poe startles, and turns to look at Rey. "Sure," he says, distantly, blinking a few times. He manages to smile at her. "It's good to see you," he adds, sliding from the center of the bench to one side.

“You look tired,” Rey says, after a long minute.

Poe runs a hand through his hair. “Recruits always come in after attacks. The larger the attack, the larger the crowd. And after losing an entire system… there’s a lot of outraged people looking to help. There’re a lot of talented pilots, but there are a lot who don't have the... who don't have the gut for it. Or the instinct. And sometimes the better pilots are braggarts, or glory-seekers. Trying to sort out the talent, figure who needs what training, organize drills, assign squadrons… It’s been a long day,” he concludes with a long sigh. “General Organa is bringing in another commander to help with the workload, though. And right now, I'm just glad to have some silence and time to myself.”

“Do you want me to–” Rey starts, standing up.

Poe grabs her hand, and shakes his head. “No,” he says. He gives her a crooked grin. “As long as you don’t want to talk strategy about the night drill we have coming up, I’d love for you to stay.”

Rey nods, and sits back down. His hand is warm around hers. It’s nice. But with Finn right before her, it doesn’t feel right. She tugs her hand back, clasping her hands in her lap.

He looks at Rey for a long moment, biting his bottom lip. “I looked for you earlier, but I heard you were in training.”

Rey nods again.

“How’d it go?” he adds.

She stares at him. “Are you asking me about my day?”

“If you want to talk about it.”

She’s never someone to talk about it _to_. “We meditated.”

“All day?”

“Apparently.” Rey’s stomach grumbles, reminding her of her earlier hunger, and she reaches for her other roll. After a long moment, looking between it and Poe, she tears it in half, holds part of it out to him.

“I’m fine,” he says.

“I know what it looks like when someone hasn’t eaten.”

He stares at her for a long moment, and takes the roll, his fingers brushing against hers. “Thank you,” he says.

She goes back to staring at Finn. He’s going to be alright, she tells herself. He’s going to be alright.

*

She wakes up at BB-8’s quiet chirp. Finn is the first thing she sees. Poe’s warmth against her side is the first thing she feels.

“Sorry to wake you,” Poe says, rubbing his free hand across his eyes, “but I need to prep for the night drill.”

“Sorry I fell asleep on you again.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” he says. He stands, stretches. “You know the way back?”

She nods.

He sighs. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Rey reaches forward and holds Finn’s hand. He’s cooler to the touch than Poe was. She doesn’t understand the entirety of the readouts of the medical screens beside him, but she knows he’s okay.

He’ll be okay.

Rey returns to her quarters, to her corner.

*

Rey wakes up, and sees Gar pulling on a pair of orange pilot coveralls. 

“You know,” Gar says, “if you want a different bed, you can trade around. Numbers are shifting so much, there gotta be something to your liking somewhere on the base.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Rey wraps her crosspiece around her, and cinches it with her belts, before putting her vest back on over it. At the canteen, she piles up a plate with food, and goes to find a table in the corner. With food as rare as it was, distrust of others has been long ingrained into her. She overheard snatches of conversation – lacking context to make sense of most of them, except for the comment about Leia on her way to aid in Hosnian diaspora relief. She eats in quiet, her back to the wall, and she stuffs a few rolls into her pouch, hides them within the folds of her clothing.

Luke is waiting for her when she arrives at the meditation room.

Rey connects easily to the Force. She can feel that Anakin is in the room, but she doesn’t open her eyes to confirm it. Instead, she waits for the session to end.

“There’s a learning curve,” comes Anakin’s voice.

Rey opens her eyes, and sees that he’s in the same spot as yesterday.

“With the first few meditation sessions. I fell asleep during quite a few of them. Most padawans would crash immediately afterwards.”

Exhaustion is at the edge of her mind. “I can stay awake long enough to keep talking,” she tells him. She’s done far more strenuous things than this. “What happened yesterday?”

“I know you could stay awake long enough,” he says, ignoring her question. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to help you, Rey. But the best thing I can tell you now is to get some sleep.”

“But–” Rey starts, but he flickers out. She sighs. She can still feel his spirit in the air, could probably wait him out. But she is tired.

Before she goes to her quarters, though, she goes down the familiar path to the medbay. Poe has switched to the bench on the far side of Finn, so Rey takes the closer seat to Finn. Poe watches as Rey takes Finn’s hand.

“Rooms assignments get shuffled every few days,” Poe says after a long silence.

She looks up.

“Gar told me that you wanted a firmer bed, and I talked to an administrator. I would have asked, but I don’t know where your meditation is. If you don’t like it, I can get something else arranged.”

Rey nods. “Thanks.”

Finn’s fingers are slow to warm under hers.

“You look exhausted,” Poe says.

Rey looks up at him. “You’re one to talk.” It gets a smile out of him. “Another long day?”

He shakes his head. “Just not running on a lot of sleep.” His gaze flicks down to Finn. “Keep thinking that I can last a few minutes more.”

She nods. “A few minutes more,” she repeats.

They sit in silence for a few minutes more, and a few more after that.

When Rey feels her eyelids drooping, Poe taps her on the shoulder. “C’mon. I’ll show you to your new room.”

It’s one right turn closer to the medbay than her previous room.

“You sure you’re okay?” Poe asks.

Rey nods. “Just tired.”

“I won’t keep you, then.”

While she felt rested enough during meditation, the exhaustion has finally made its way into every part of her body. The bed is far more comfortable, and Rey falls instantly asleep.

*

R2 beeps at her, waking her up. Rey groans, and turns away from him. R2 lets out an amused beep, but goads her into getting out of bed.

Rey and R2 are the only ones in the room, and Rey allows a moment to enjoy the novelty of being able to oversleep. But then she’s on her feet, and heading out of her room. She wants to stop by the canteen, get a full breakfast, but she has a few rolls she can eat on her way to the meditation room. She doesn’t want to keep Master Skywalker waiting any longer.

His eyes are closed, but he nods when she enters.

She slips out of her boots with ease. Sits, and slides into a meditative trance. There is sand all around her, an endlessly blue sky above that. Amongst it all, there is one flower in bloom, growing despite the adverse climate.

And then it disappears.

Rey opens her eyes, the breath knocked out of her.

Luke has risen from his seat. His expression is nearly apologetic, and then he leaves.

Rey sits a minute, heart hammering in her chest, her fingers tingling. She feels torn open and raw, unbalanced and unsettled. There would be no use in attempting meditation, and so Rey slowly climbs to her feet. It takes a few moments for her to gather her wits, remember to put on her boots. It’s earlier than sessions usually end, and takes her chance to go to the medbay.

Poe is already there, though, the bench moved in closer than it’s ever been. Rey can see Finn’s hand in between both of Poe’s, and as she gets closer, she can hear Poe murmuring to Finn. She stills. “C’mon, buddy,” he says. “Major Kalonia says your body’s healed better than she expected, your spine is fully functional. So wake up. I’m here waiting for you. I want to see you again, Finn. So c’mon, I know you’re tired, you deserve a break, you can go back to sleep after, but please, _wake up_.”

Her heart clenches painfully. She wants to be there for Finn, but there’s a closeness between him and Poe and she doesn’t know where she fits in. She quietly walks back out.

The part of her that is connected to the Force is resonating oddly, similar to the times she’s banged the wrong part of her elbow.

She goes to the canteen. She has lost her appetite, and she eats mechanically. She manages to stow half a dozen rolls on her, which she hides at the corner of her bed where it’s tucked into the corner of the room. Hoarding is a luxury she’s rarely had, but she perfected it in the instances she did.

Her heart is beating in her chest, a nasty tangle of emotions she can’t name. She thinks of a desert flower, and falls asleep.

*

She wakes up on time, and heads to meditation. Luke is already there, as always.

While she’s settling on her stool, she asks, “What happened yesterday?”

Luke sighs through his nose, and shakes his head. His eyes slide closed.

Rey would really like him to talk to her. She has endured enough silence. When Leia returns, she may ask her about him.

“There was a minor disturbance in the Force.”

Rey opens her eyes. Frowns, and hopes that it conveys a request for him to go on.

Anakin huffs a laugh at her expression. “As I’ve said, Jedi are susceptible to many emotions. With the numbers of those Force-sensitive so low, an extreme emotion in one can trigger a minor disturbance in the Force. I’ll explain more later. For now, focus.”

The curiosity makes starting meditation difficult. That, and the lingering discomfort from the disturbance yesterday. But she forces herself to clear her mind, and almost as soon as she does, it feels like the session is over.

She waits for Luke to leave Anakin to return. As curious as she is about yesterday, something else has been on her mind. “Does Master Skywalker know you’re here?” she asks Anakin.

He looks surprised, but he shakes his head. “He’s surrounded by a great many number of ghosts. But I don’t think he knows I’m here, no.”

“Should he?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps not.”

Rey narrows her eyes.

“I was never the wisest of my peers. Far from it. I…” Anakin’s gaze goes distant and melancholy. “I made a great number of mistakes. I have paid for them. Others have paid for them. Others are still continuing to pay for them.” He looks back at her. “The Force is about balance. There can be no peace in the galaxy without it. But I believe that you can bring it back into balance.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

He nods. “While Luke is guiding you through part of your training, I wish to… augment on your lessons. Provide what I can. Padawans learn best when they learn from many masters. I don’t know what all I can teach you, but the Force is strong with you, Rey. That can be a great burden, and I can help with that.”

“By actually answering my questions.”

Anakin huffs a laugh. “The ones that I can, yes.”

Rey has a few. “What you said about us being susceptible to emotions – does that mean we share emotions?”

“To some degree. The Jedi can sense the emotions of any around them, Jedi or not. Luke has trained himself to keep his emotions controlled–”

“What about the first day?”

“He had spent so long alone, that he grew unaccustomed to keeping that same control. But he’s regained that control in the past few days. And Leia’s control has always been unparalleled.”

“So the disturbance came from Kylo Ren.” From what Rey felt when she was inside his mind, it’s no surprise.

Anakin frowns. He thinks it over, grimaces, and nods.

"What happened?”

"What do you know?"

"Han–" Rey starts, before her throat tightens. _He's the father you never had. He would have_ – "He spoke of Luke's last apprentice. What he did. When Kylo Ren went into my mind, to find the information about the map to Luke, I was able to push back into his mind. I made the connection.”

Anakin nods.

"So he was Luke's last apprentice, and he slaughtered the rest of the Jedi, and turned to the Dark Side. But why?"

“Jedi rarely go to the Dark Side without someone luring them there. As Darth Vader was made and lured by Emperor Sidious, Kylo Ren was made and lured by Supreme Leader Snoke. There was a darkness inside both of them that they couldn’t escape. Not until the end for Vader, at least.” He stares at Rey consideringly. “What do you know about Darth Vader?”

"He was the Emperor's apprentice, helped him gain control of the galaxy. I’ve heard rumors that he was Luke Skywalker's father and that he gave his life to save his son."

Anakin nods. "He did. Luke was the only person who believed that there was still good in Darth Vader, that he could still be brought back to the Light. Darth Vader never intended to become what he became, he started out because he wanted to do good. A part of him always wanted to return to the Light, but he gave up hope that it could happen. Luke didn't. If not for Luke, Vader would not have been able to turn back to the Light, help Luke defeat the Emperor.

“The Jedi have a strict code – no emotion, no passion. No attachments. Some interpret this as not being able to love. But it’s not love that destroys a Jedi, not emotions. It’s the ill-management of them. Darth Vader fell to the Dark Side trying to save his wife. A noble cause, but he was reckless, he had no control of himself or his emotions, and in that instance, love was his downfall. But in the end, it was love for his son, and love for his daughter that redeemed him.”

Rey thinks it over. “If, at the end, Darth Vader was redeemed, why does Kylo Ren look up to him?”

“Vader spoke to Ben during his training. He sensed the same darkness within him, and he wanted to save Ben from his own misfortunes. He told Ben about his life. Growing up on a slave on Tatooine, living with his mother. Shmi Skywalker. She made her own last name, for what she hoped for herself and her descendants. Ben always wanted to be a Skywalker, rather than a Solo.”

Anakin continues to talk, sharing the life of Darth Vader, his anger from the time he was a child to a young man to a Jedi denied the title of Master. His desire to be stronger, to save his mother, his wife. His descent to the Dark Side.

“He told Ben all of this, hoping to help save him. But I fear it may have only made matters worse.”

They sit in silence for a long minute, Rey mulling everything over. "What will happen to him?" she asks. "He’s not going to win. The First Order is not going to win. So what's going to happen to him? What's the other option?"

"Other option?"

"He could be killed, of course," Rey says. She had been dangerously close to it during their last encounter. "But Leia deserves better."

Anakin smiles sadly at her. "She does. And she always has."

"Can Kylo Ren be brought back to the Light?"

"I can't say. Nor can you. The Dark Side, the Light, turning from one to the other, there are always outside considerations, but the choice has to be made on one's own."

“But you said Darth Vader had given up hope.”

“He had. But Luke reminded him it was still an option, that the choice could still be made.”

Rey nods.

Anakin stares at her curiously. "Do you think there is still good in Kylo Ren?"

Rey thinks about Poe, about seeing Poe through Kylo Ren's memories (bloody and bruised and screaming in pain). Rey thinks about Finn, about his life growing up as a Stormtrooper in the First Order that Kylo Ren is championing. About the hundred of thousands other Stormtroopers who have been put into the same position. She thinks about her vision and the aftermath of Kylo Ren destroying the new generation of Jedi. She thinks about Luke, and the aura of melancholy around him. She thinks about the same aura around Leia, she thinks about watching Han’s death.

Rey thinks about Kylo Ren's fear of never being as strong as Darth Vader, never having the commitment and force of will to rule the galaxy.

Rey thinks about the one part of Kylo Ren that was afraid that he would never be as strong as Darth Vader, never able to turn back and save himself. It was a flicker of light.

Only a flicker. 

But it was there.

She nods.

Anakin seems to relax. He nods back.

"I don't like him," Rey adds. "And I can't imagine that I'll ever forgive him."

"But?" Anakin prompts.

“If he wants a second chance…”

Everyone deserves a second chance. Rey decided that early on. If Rey was left behind by her parents because of something she did wrong, she would want a second chance. If Rey were still to be angry when she met her parents again, she would hope to give them a second chance. 

“…he should get that chance.”

“Compassion,” Anakin says. “It’s one of the abilities that make Jedi strong. You will only be able to get through to him when the time is right, but that compassion is the first step.”

Rey nods. She gets up.

There’s still so many questions. The Jedi Code that Anakin mentioned, no attachments or emotions.

She thinks of going to see Finn.

She thinks of stumbling in on Poe.

She goes to her quarters.

*

She struggles with meditation for most the day. She thinks of Anakin’s words, of the struggle. She feels it today, more keenly than others.

It’s not until late into the training session does a peace fall over her. The sand, the flower, the contentment.

There's a touch on her shoulder, and Rey doesn't startle, she opens her eyes, and sees that Luke is standing before her. She had felt him, through the Force, felt the ebb and flow change as he approached.

He looks down at her and nods. There’s a hint of a smile on his face.

Rey replies with her own smile. She gets to her feet, and follows Luke to the door.

Outside, she can hear R2 talking with BB-8.

And just to the side of the door, Poe is sitting against the wall. He sits and watches as Luke walks off. Then he turns back to Rey and pushes himself up to his feet. His expression is warm. “Rey,” he says.

“Poe,” she replies, unable to mask her confusion.

"Have you eaten?" Poe asks.

Rey still isn't used to the food here, the availability of it. She shakes her head. "I'm fine," she says.

It's Poe turn to shake his head. "You haven't eaten today. Did you eat yesterday?"

Rey has to think about it. She's learned to control her hunger, to not let it debilitate anything she needs to do. And when she's meditating, she doesn't think about food breaks. She's curbed her hunger, and it's working out for her. She's tired, and needs an energy take-in, but she still has some time to go before she needs to eat to sustain herself, and some time beyond that before she nearly starves. That’s what her hoard is for.

"Listen, I know what it's like to want to stay by his side," Poe says, taking the two steps to stand at her side. "I've stayed with him plenty. But he wouldn't want us to do it at the cost of not doing what we need to do – I've needed to spend time with the other pilots, you've needed to train. I've needed to eat, and you need to eat too."

"I can last another few hours."

"You look like you're going to pass out," he tells her. "And I'm pretty sure Finn would be happy to know that you were in good health while he is recovering. C’mon. Just a few minutes, just a snack."

Rey debates for a moment – Finn or food, it’s a close call – up until Poe touches the back of her arm.

“C’mon,” he repeats, quieter.

She lets him steer her to the canteen. There’s less food available this time of night, but it still surpasses anything Rey has even been used to. “I can feed myself,” she mutters, as Poe starts loading a tray for her. 

He stills, looks at her, hands her the tray.

Her hand shakes as she serves herself. She fights through it.

He follows her to a table, and she devours the plate in minutes.

“I’m concerned about you,” Poe says. 

Rey looks up at him. His gaze is completely open and unguarded. He’s concerned for her in a way only Finn has ever been.

She sighs. 

“Finn told me about you, you know,” Poe starts. “Said you were… that you’re bright and vibrant and full of life.”

Finn had described Poe to her along the same lines. His expression had been bright and happy, enthusiasm threaded through every word.

“I know the Jedi live a minimalist lifestyle, but you can eat. You can sleep. You can socialize. But you seem… subdued. Quiet. Distant. I’m just wondering if it’s because of Finn’s condition, or if there’s something else. If there’s something I can do to help. I’m here for you, Rey.”

She closes her eyes, presses a hand over her eyes. Control. She didn’t realize how little of it she had. She fights against the emotions, keeps them manageable. “I just miss Finn,” she says.

Poe takes her other hand in his. Rubs his thumb over her knuckles.

It takes her a minute to sort everything out, pull herself back together. She pulls her hand back from Poe.

His expression flickers into a frown before smoothing into something neutral. "I have an early exercise tomorrow. Get some rest, alright?"

She nods.

"BB-8, keep her honest, alright?"

BB-8 agrees. And, after Poe has left, agrees Rey’s quieter than before.

Rey goes back for another half-portion, and grabs something for breakfast tomorrow.

BB-8 beeps when she heads in the opposite direction of her bunk.

“I just want to tell him goodnight. Just see him briefly, alright?”

BB-8 whirrs in reluctance.

This is only the second time she’s been alone with Finn since her departure to Achtoo. She wishes she could talk to Finn like Poe had, but she can’t think of what to say. Instead, she just covers his hand in hers. His fingers are cold, and she stays next to him until they’ve warmed up. She leans in, and presses a kiss to his temple. She pulls back a few inches. “Get better,” she finally manages. “Soon. Please.”

And then she heads to her quarters, BB-8 quiet and somber behind her.

*

She wakes, feeling better rested than she’s felt has in days. It’s earlier than normal, and early enough she gets to the canteen before the morning crowd.

She keeps the streak by arriving at the meditation room before Luke. It’s easy to slide into meditation, but she slides back out when she feels Luke approach. “Good morning, Master Skywalker,” she says, voice an even murmur. After a moment, she opens one eye.

There’s a fond expression on Luke’s face, even as he shakes his head. His movements are slow and methodical as he settles down.

Rey can feel it when he settles into a meditative state, and she feels a ripple of pride. She’s not entirely sure if it’s hers or his. A smile spreads on her face as she slides back into the sands, the beach of an island.

She feels so light, like she could float away at any moment.

There’s a shimmer in her peripheral vision. Turning towards it, Rey opens her eyes to stare at the door.

A moment later, the door slides open. 

Poe is radiant, and Rey knows the news even before he announces, “Finn’s awake.” He gives her a wide smile. “C'mon, he wants to see you.”

Rey scrambles to her feet.

“Don’t go.”

Luke sounds exactly as Rey expected, but hearing him speak is jarring. So much so that it takes a moment for his words to sink in. She frowns at him. “Finn’s awake,” she says. “I need to go see him–”

“If you go, so do I.”

Rey stares at him. Her heart beats painfully in her chest. “I have to. He was injured while we were in battle together, I couldn’t keep him safe, I have to be there for him.”

Luke just stares back at her.

Tears prickle in the corner of her eyes as she waits for him to relent.

He doesn’t.

She’s not leaving her training, but for this to be the cost… This is… Finn is awake, he’s finally awake, Rey needs to go see him, she should be at his side already, this isn’t… 

In the corner of her eye, she sees Poe shift his weight. “You can stop by later,” he says. “That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”

Luke looks to Poe, and shakes his head.

Rey fights to keep her breathing even, her voice even as she starts, “Tell him–” but her voice breaks. She closes her eyes, clenches her hands at her sides. “Tell him I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Of course,” Poe says, and his voice is so gentle that it breaks her heart. That she can’t look at him. “We’ll see you then.”

A few tears streak down Rey’s face as she sits back down.

Luke does his best to hide all emotion, but Rey feels like he might be the slightest bit disappointed.

It’s not fair, Rey thinks, eyes closing. There’s a void in her chest now the the concern for Fin waking up is gone. He’s up. He wants to see her. Relief should take the place of the concern. Instead, anger is lapping at the edges. Her heartbeat races. She fights to control it. She struggles for a deep breath, then another. 

*

Rey hears more than she feels Luke get up.

She waits for him to leave the room, and then reaches for her boots. She doesn’t bother waiting for Anakin, instead races down the hallways to the medbay.

She flings herself at Finn.

“Hey,” he says, sounding as enthusiastic as he can when his mouth is pressed against her hair. He wraps his arms around her, squeezes her tight.

She clings to him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t– I wasn’t–” 

“No, no no,” Finn says. “Poe explained what happened. It’s okay.”

Rey just holds onto him. If she opens her mouth to speak, she’s going to break down crying. He's up. He's up and he's okay.

“Rey,” Poe says, gently. “I don’t think that’s the most comfortable position for either of you.” He sets his hands on her shoulders, and slowly pulls her back.

Finn shuffles over to the far side of the bed, and pats the spot next to him.

Poe lets Rey go, and she climbs up on the bed with Finn. Wraps herself around him.

“Poe explained that you and Luke had a bit of a… an argument? Is it an argument when he doesn't talk?”

“He talked,” Rey says. “He said ‘Don’t go.’”

His expression shutters. He understands. “And that’s all he said?”

Rey nods. “And that if I left, he would too. And then he just looked disappointed. And I…” She looks away, feeling like she’s going to cry. “I wanted to come and see you so badly–”

“You’re here now,” Finn says. He tips a finger under her chin, lifts her face up. “Hey.”

She opens her eyes.

He’s smiling at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’m glad to see you again.”

“Me too,” Rey says, her voice breaking. She lowers her head down to his chest, his heartbeat against her cheek. After a few moments of silence, she asks, “How much longer do you have here?”

"I've got another night in here, they want to monitor me overnight to make sure don’t spike again, but after that... I don't actually know."

"I’m sure they can find you somewhere to stay," Rey says.

"You're welcome to stay with me," Poe says. “I’ve got a large enough bed.”

Rey turns to look at him, but not before she sees the way that Finn's face lights up. There's a flush to Poe's cheeks as he looks between Rey and Finn. She rests herself back against Finn.

Finn and Poe continue to speak, but Rey can’t hear them over the thundering of her heart.

Poe finally heads out, leaving Rey and Finn alone.

“Poe likes you,” she murmurs.

“I like him.”

There is no emotion, there is peace. Anything between her and Finn, whatever it is she’s feeling…

She sighs against him. She can let him go tomorrow. For now, she holds him, and holds onto him.

*

She wakes up to Major Kalonia observing the medical read-outs. Her only comment is a, “Good morning,” accompanied with a wry grin.

Finn is still asleep, and Rey hugs him as gently as she can, before she grabs something to eat, then goes to meditation.

Rey sits down, and she tells herself that she is going to meditate. She has no reason to not be calm – Finn is awake, and Rey is no longer angry with Master Skywalker for keeping her from him (not entirely, not as much as she was), and Rey is glad that Finn is going to have a place to stay in Poe's bed– 

Rey clenches her teeth, and tells herself there is no reason for her to be upset. No reason. She feels tense and angry and upset, though. She feels off-balance, like those days when she was sick and feverish and still had to walk out in the sand and couldn't find her footing. Everything was shifting with each moment, she couldn't steady herself.

She can't steady herself, she can’t– 

She opens her eyes with a gasp. 

Luke is staring at her. He’s not disappointed, but he is…

Rey holds her head high. Makes a point of matching his breathing. She closes her eyes. Her hands on her knees, she searches for serenity. Searches for peace. Searches for the Force. She has no reason to be upset, no reason– 

"You have to be careful," Anakin says, gently. "There is nothing wrong with love – but you cannot destroy yourself with it."

Rey is not destroying herself with love. Love is destroying her and lack of love is destroying her.

There’s an abrupt shift in energy. Luke rises to his feet and walks out. Anakin has disappeared.

Annoyance flares through her, frustrated tears gathering in her eyes, and she takes a few deep breathes. A desert flower, the sound of the ocean behind her.

“What you have to understand–”

Rey opens her eyes, sees that Anakin is on Luke’s seat, leaning forward.

“All of Ben’s anger, that darkness inside him that he cannot escape… that is my doing. Same for Luke, and Leia as well. For all the negative emotions they feel, all the difficulty of coping with them, that is all my doing. My wife, Padme, she was the bright one. Vibrant. Positive. You’re the closest to her, and in many ways you take after–”

Rey’s heart stops. “Wait — _what_?”

Anakin frowns.

“You said that I was the closest to her. What did you mean by that?”

Anakin doesn’t reply.

Her pulse picks up. She scrambles to her feet. “Is Padme– am I related to her? Do you know who my parents are?”

“Rey, there is plenty of time–”

“You do – you know who my parents are.”

“Yes.”

“You have to tell me.”

“I understand–”

“Tell me.”

“–that you’ve been waiting–”

“Anakin, tell me who my parents are.”

“–a very long time to know–”

“Please, tell me who–”

“–who your parents are–”

“–my parents are!”

“–but you have to believe me–”

“ _Tell me!_ ”

Anakin disappears.

Anger floods through Rey, chasing the adrenaline raging through her body. Her hands tremble, and her breath quickens. 

“Come back here!" Rey yells, turning, looking around the entire room. “ _Anakin!_ ”

But he won't come back, and she knows why – he only appears when she is at peace, when she is one with the Force. There is no peace, now, only anger, seeping into every inch of her.

A yell tears its way out of her throat, and she throws her arms out in anger. The lights flicker. The chairs crash into the walls. A lamp falls to the ground.

The door opens, and Leia enters, concern bleeding off her. “Rey, are you alright?”

Her breathing is quick and shallow and her lungs are aching for air. She shakes her head.

Leia places her hands on Rey’s shoulders. 

Rey breaks down crying.

Leia pulls her into a hug. Holds her until the shaking stops. She pulls back. “Rey, what’s wrong?”

“He knows,” she says, voice watery. “He knows and he won’t _tell me._ ”

“Who, Luke?”

“Anakin. He was a Jedi, he’s been helping train me.”

“He was also Luke’s and my father.”

“What?”

“There are only so many Skywalkers in the galaxy,” she says with a wry grin.

“He introduced himself as Anakin Naberrie.”

Leia’s expression softens. “My mother was Padme Naberrie.”

More tears gather in her eyes. “He mentioned her. Said she was bright. Vibrant. He said I was the closest to her. What does that mean? Does that mean I’m related to her?”

Leia shakes her head. “I can’t say.”

“Do…” Rey starts, and the moment stretches between them. She could ask. Leia could say yes. Tell Rey about her family, grant her every dream. Or Leia could say no, dash another hope. She swallows. “Do you know who my family is?”

“I don’t know, no. I’m sorry.”

Tears fall down Rey’s face, and she wipes them away.

Leia hugs her again, rubs a hand up her back. “What do you usually do after meditation?”

Go see Finn in the medbay. “Go to sleep.”

“Will you be able to sleep?”

“I hope so.”

*

She does.

Barely.

*

She wakes up with her heart heavy and her eyes sore.

She goes to the canteen.

She sees Finn in line. Is happy. Is conflicted. He seems less brilliant than normal. When he sees her, he smiles, but it’s brief. She gets her own tray, and heads over to where Finn is sitting.

“Is everything alright?”

Finn sighs, long and hard. “Me and Poe got into an argument last night. I was angry. He got angry.”

“What did you fight about?”

He shakes his head. “It was late at night, I was angry and exhausted. It was stupid, that’s all I know. We’re taking a break, not talking for a few hours. It’ll pass.” He nods. Repeats, “It’ll pass.”

Rey feels guilty for a reason she can’t articulate.

“What about you? You–”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

There are still a hundred emotions crashing into each other, and Rey feels like she would send all the tables flying if she were to speak about any of them.

“That’s okay,” Finn says, and Rey knows he means it.

They eat silently, his knee knocking against hers, his shoulder brushing against her.

“What are you going to do today?”

Finn shrugs. “I don’t really know. Walk around. That sounds exciting.”

Rey huffs a laugh. With all the sitting she’s been doing, she’ll be feeling the same soon.

“But other than that, just see what I can do to help out.” He opens his mouth to ask her something, but reconsiders.

Rey nods in thanks. She’s reluctant to leave him, but she fears disappointing Luke, so she makes her way to the meditation room.

Luke isn’t there.

Rey has always been angry, in some ways. But it’s no longer something distant, instead pulsing at the forefront of her mind. She turns on her heel, and starts towards Leia’s room.

She rounds a corner, and nearly runs into Poe.

He looks haggard.

“Poe…”

He forces a smile. “Hey, Rey.”

“It’s my fault you and Finn got into an argument.”

His smile becomes more strained. “Not unless you can control how loud I snore.”

Rey frowns. She knows it’s her fault, it’s her anger’s fault. Her and her anger and her lashing out.

“We’re gonna talk it out, get dinner, see how it goes after. You wanna join us?” Poe asks. “For dinner?” he adds, belatedly.

“Sure. I need to find Master Skywalker, though.” She sighs. “I messed up yesterday.”

“How do you mess up meditation? Sorry,” he hastily adds. He shakes his head. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. And as for where Luke is, I have no idea. He’s even more elusive than you are. As is BB-8 most days, now.” He takes a step back, but keeps his gaze on her. “See you later?”

Rey nods. Watches him go. Closes her eyes, tries to follow his movement towards the hangar. Her connection to the Force is shaky, but better than it’s been in the past day. She evens out her breathing, and extends herself and her awareness, seeking out Luke.

His energy is familiar, and she navigates across the base towards it.

There’s another meditation room. Smaller, but with more furniture. He’s sitting on a wide round cushion in the middle. There’s another across from him.

“I’m sorry,” Rey tells him. “I’m still working on my emotions.”

“I know,” Luke says, softly. He gestures for her to sit.

She does. “Let’s try this again,” she mutters to herself. She closes her eyes. “You can do this.”

*

The anger and guilt slowly abate.

In their place comes a distant sorrow. 

A shiver runs up Rey’s spine, and she looks to the door.

There’s a knock, and the doors swoosh open a moment later.

It’s Leia.

She looks at Luke for a long minute.

Luke sighs, and gets up. He goes to Rey and places his hand on her shoulder, before slipping out of the room.

Leia gestures Rey over to a couch with her. Sits where she’s facing Rey. “Yesterday, when you asked me, I didn’t know who your parents were. But I had a suspicion. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure, in case I was wrong.”

Rey stares at her. Her heart is beating wildly in her chest, and she feels oddly cold. “But you weren’t.”

She shakes her head. “I wasn’t.”

“And now you know who my parents are.”

“I do. Your mother’s name is Pooja Naberrie.”

 _Your mother._ Rey has a mother.

“You were named after her older sister, your aunt, Ryoo.”

Rey has an aunt.

“Pooja joined the Imperial Senate when she was young, for the limited capacity the Senate played during the Galactic Empire. She was inspired by her aunt, Padme Amidala. My mother. Your great-aunt.”

She had a great-aunt. The connections click in her head. Anakin is her great-uncle. Leia is part of her family, as is Luke. She has an aunt, and… 

“My mother…” Rey’s throat goes tight. “Is she…”

“Alive? Yes.”

Joy blossoms in her chest. Rey has a mother. It’s what she’s wanted, what she’s always wanted as long as she can remember. That, and… Rey’s voice quivers as she asks, “What happened to me?”

Leia covers Rey’s hands in her own. “Your mother had to travel for her work. When she thought you were old enough, your mother took you with her on a trip to Keren. It’s the largest trade city on Naboo, and one of the largest in the sector. It’s rife with illegal slave trafficking. A political adversary of your mother paid to have you taken.”

For a moment, Rey goes numb. She wasn’t left behind. She wasn’t unwanted. She doesn’t remember anything – the only memory she has of her childhood is of herself crying _don’t go_ at a leaving spaceship, only recently awakened. But deep down, she knows that this is the truth.

Leia squeezes Rey’s hands.

They sit together in silence.

Rey has a mother. And, maybe… 

“What of my father?” Rey asks.

Leia shakes her head. “Public record shows that Pooja Naberrie never married. If she took after her aunt and had a secret lover, she never told me about it. Whatever romantic encounter lead to your birth, only she knows.”

Rey tugs a hand away to wipe at her eyes. No father, but she has a mother. It’s still singing through her body.

“I always liked Pooja,” Leia says. “My father – my adoptive father – was the Senator of the Alderaan sector, and she was the Senator of the Chommell sector. She was only a few years older than me, and we were friends even before we found out we were cousins.”

“Where… Where is she? Can I see her?”

Leia shakes her head. “I’m afraid not.”

“Why–”

Leia silences her with a look. “We are in a war, Rey. And you are now fighting in it. Training to be a Jedi. The First Order knows about you. You have a target on your back. It’s for your mother’s safety more than for anything to do with the Jedi Code. When we win the war, you can go to her then.”

“But I want to–”

“My mother died shortly after giving birth. I always wanted to meet her, and there are few things I wouldn’t do to get that chance, even now. I do not want to keep you from meeting your mother. I can understand how hard it must be, but for now, Rey, I am asking, please wait.”

Rey knows all about waiting. A few more tears fall down her face.

“Do you want to be alone?”

No. No, Rey does not.

She makes her way to Poe’s room, opens the door.

The bed is indeed large enough for two. Finn and Poe are close. They separate on the door opening.

“Sorry–”

“Don’t worry, you’re not interrupting,” Poe says, with a crooked smile. “You’re–” 

“What’s wrong?” Finn interrupts, sitting up.

Rey just stands there. She reaches up and covers her face. “These past two days…”

“C’mere,” Finn says.

She walks over to the bed. And breaks down crying. 

Two sets of hands are on her then, guiding her down onto the bed. Finn settles on her left, Poe on her right. Finn wraps an arm around her shoulders.

She leans into him. Keeps crying.

“It’s okay,” Finn tells her, voice low.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Poe asks.

She thinks of Anakin’s words – emotions don’t destroy, ill-management does. She doesn’t know how to manage them right now, let alone describe any of them. She shakes her head. Voice hoarse, she says, “Not yet. Not right now.”

Poe rubs her back. “Alright,” he says. “Whenever you are, we’re here.”

Her sobs finally taper off, and then she is the most exhausted she has ever felt.

“Does this bed fit three people?” Finn asks.

“It should. I don’t mind squeezing in if you don’t,” Poe says, shuffling under the covers.

“No, no, I’ll go back to my room.”

Finn shakes his head. “Rey, it’s alright. Stay the night.”

“Do you want to stay?” Poe asks.

Rey stares ahead unseeingly for a long minute, before she relents.

“Then stay,” Finn says.

“You want the middle?” Poe adds.

Rey nods again. She takes her boots off, and moves closer to Poe. Finn settles on her left, between her and the edge of the bed. Poe drapes his arm over Rey’s waist. Rey rests her head against Finn’s chest. Poe shuffles down so he’s lying right behind her, his knees tucked behind hers. And then they all go still.

Rey lets out a shaky breath.

This is nice.

Finn brushes his lips against her forehead.

This is really nice.

She drifts asleep.

*

Sirens go off.

They all jolt awake.

“What’s–”

“The First Order’s found us,” Poe says. He scrambles out from under the covers, off the bed, and grabs a jacket, his shoes. “I’ve got to–” he starts, before ducking out of the door.

Finn rolls out of bed, and extends his hand to pull Rey up.

“Something’s…” she murmurs.

“I feel it too,” Finn says. He keeps her hand in his, leading her, and it allows her to clear her mind, try and pinpoint the source of her discomfort.

At the command center, General Leia is giving evacuation orders.

Poe, already in his orange jumpsuit, starts coordinating the squadrons to accompany the ships.

A severe-looking woman asks, “What about you, Commander Dameron?”

“I’m only leaving after the General,” Poe says, voice firm and ringing with authority.

“And I’m staying until everyone else has been evacuated,” Leia says.

The woman and a few of the pilots start objecting, but he says, “It’s not up for discussion. You all have your orders, get to your stations.”

Rey makes her way to Leia. “General Organa, I wish to stay here.”

A few turn to look at her as they pass. Finn, standing beside her, squeezes her hand, and Poe starts, “What–”

“I want to talk to Kylo Ren,” Rey says.

“ _What?_ ” Poe asks.

“He’s coming here. I want to wait, and talk to him.”

“Kylo Ren doesn’t _talk_ ,” Poe spits out. “We should oversee the evacuations, but we’ve done enough drills where we should be able to out of here before the First Order arrives.”

Leia nods at Rey, and hands over Luke’s lightsaber. “I hope you won’t need this.”

Poe looks between the three of them, mouth in a thin line. But he sighs and turns to Leia. “You should get out of here.”

Leia hesitates.

Poe takes a step towards her. “Leia, please, by now the first wave is already out, and the second and third are ready to leave. You need to leave before the First Order comes. Get on the fourth.”

“What about you?”

“All ships are accounted for, except one. With your permission…”

Leia sighs. She raises a hand to Poe’s cheek. “Stay safe.” To Rey, she says, “Thank you.” To Finn, she says, “The gunner position sometimes sticks, but if you pull a six-second system reboot, the tracking system should repair.”

And then she’s gone.

“I’m going to get the Falcon ready,” Poe says.

“Leia’s gone, why are you staying?” Rey asks.

"The Falcon only needs one pilot, but it works best with two. Finn’s still learning piloting, but is good as a gunman, just in case. I'm staying here until you're leaving with us."

"But why?”

Poe takes a step in closer to her. "Because I don't think trying to reason with Kylo Ren is a good idea. But if you think you can do it, then I think you can do it. I trust you."

Rey nods.

He stares at her for a long moment, then takes another step in, reaches up to settle his hand on her neck, and pulls her in for a kiss. "Stay safe," he tells her, breath warm against her lips, before stepping back. He turns, and also gives Finn a kiss. "You too," he says, and then he's jogging off towards the hangar.

Rey's heart is racing in her chest, and she reaches up and touches her lips.

 _Jedi have no attachment_ , she thinks.

 _Fuck that_ , she thinks.

"I want to face Kylo Ren on my own," she tells Finn. "I think it will be easier if it were just me.”

Finn nods. “Good idea. I’ll be a few hallways down towards the hangar, just in case.”

She watches him go.

She quiets her thoughts.

She sends out her feelings.

And then she counts down the seconds.

Kylo Ren turns the corner, two Stormtroopers on either side of him.

The Stormtroopers raise their blasters and fire.

Rey flicks on the lightsaber, and deflects each blast.

The Stormtroopers go down.

Kylo Ren flicks on his lightsaber.

Rey turns hers off.

“You cannot think you are strong enough to overpower me,” he says, voice distorted by the mask.

“Your name is Ben Solo,” she says, hanging the lightsaber on her belt.

Kylo Ren advances a few steps. “That name holds no meaning to me.”

“You wish you were named Ben Skywalker. You’re disappointed that your mother kept her adoptive parents’ name of Organa. That she didn’t take her biological last name. That you didn’t get the name of Skywalker.”

“Stop talking.”

“You think of it as your grandfather’s name. It’s not. It’s your great-grandmother’s. Her name was Shmi. Shmi Skywalker. She was a Tatooine slave, owned by a Toydarian named Watto, along with her son, Anakin. She loved him so much she was willing to let him leave and go train to be a Jedi. She didn’t see him again until she was dying in a Tusken Raider camp, dying in Anakin’s arms.”

Kylo Ren lowers his lightsaber. “How…”

“Anakin told you all of this, didn’t he?“

“How could you know–” he begins, voice thunderous.

“When was the last time he spoke to you?” she asks. “What do you really know about your grandfather?”

“What do _you_ know of him?” Kylo Ren snaps.

“All that I’ve told you, and more. He’s my great-uncle. He’s helped guide me through my training. Helped me grow stronger. Helped me understand the Force. And when training is done for the day, he’s talked to me, recounting his sorrows of how his grandson idolizes all the wrong parts of him–”

Kylo Ren throws his hand out, fingers splayed.

Rey digs her heels into the ground to steady herself against the shove, and then throws a hand out to match it.

Kylo Ren’s only reaction is to shift, widen his stance.

Anger is pulsing in the air between them, raising the hair on the back of Rey’s neck. They are in a stalemate as they are. He is curious how she has been trained in the saber, he is not injured and he could take her down; Rey doubts his confidence but is determined not to be drawn into a fight.

Faintly, she hears Anakin’s voice. _You will only be able to get through to him when the time is right._

And she feels it – Kylo Ren’s fear. Now is not the time. (She feels Finn’s concern, Poe’s worry.) Rey flicks the lightsaber on, and cuts the electrical wires above. The lights shudder out, sparks flying from the wires.

Even with his armor, it would be too dangerous for him to advance.

Rey turns on her heel and runs. Towards the hangar, grabbing Finn's hand as she passes and pulling him with her.

Poe is waiting on the ramp, and as soon as he sees them, he disappears up into the Falcon.

"So?" Finn asks, after the ramp closes behind them. "How did it go?"

"I don't know," Rey says, as they start making their way to the cabin. "I feel like I got through to him. But at the same time..."

"You tried," he replies. "And that says a lot."

"Where are we going?"

"An old rebel base.” Poe grabs his leather jacket from the co-pilot seat and holds it out to her. "You'll be needing this."

She takes it, but doesn't put it on. "Why?"

"Ever heard of a planet called Hoth?"

Rey shakes her head, while Finn despairingly asks, “We’re going to _Hoth_?”

After a sympathetic look to Finn, Poe gives Rey a wan smile. “You really want to put on the jacket.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hoth is cold.

Rey hadn’t fully noticed the temperature of Achtoo. On Bakura, there was a chill at night similar to Jakku during the shorter days, where the air would cool. It was a welcome reprieve from the heat of the day. 

This is entirely different. Even as they near the ramp, the temperature drops lower and lower, and Rey hugs herself in Poe’s jacket. Poe leads them down the ramp, and Rey looks around. They’re in a hangar, inside the base, and all the doors are closed. But it’s still freezing cold. The bare skin of her calves prickles, and her fingertips begin to tingle.

Finn lets out a sigh.

Rey can see his breath, and for a moment it delights her. She sucks in a deep breath in and lets out a full mouthful of warm air, which mists in the cold. She tilts backs her head to watch the mist rise up before it dissipates. Cold brushes against her throat, sending shivers down her body. She burrows further into the jacket.

Poe is watching her, faintly amused.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Rey mutters.

He lets out a huff of laughter. “That’s Hoth,” he says, dryly.

Finn nods, his teeth chattering.

Circling around them, BB-8 says that it’s not that bad.

“Stop bragging,” Poe tells the droid, as he looks around the hangar. He finds what he is looking for, and starts jogging over to a Resistance member. “Lieutenant Connix.”

Rey saw her during the Bakura evacuation, by Leia’s side. She’s shorter than Poe, and her blonde hair is a braid around the crown of her head.

Connix smiles when she sees him. “Commander Dameron,” she replies. “I’ve let the General know you’ve all arrived. Though Commander Friza would like to speak to you first. At your earliest availability.”

Poe grimaces. “Which means immediately.” He turns to Finn and Rey, and gives them a shy smile. “I’ll see you two later.” He jogs off, BB-8 at his heels.

“Rey, Finn, you’ve both been assigned to check in with medical.”

Rey frowns. “I wasn’t injured in battle. I’m fine.” She can’t stop shivering, and she wants nothing more than to curl up and sleep through this cold.

“The General has her reasons,” Connix replies. “Do you need a droid to show you the way?”

“That would be great, thanks,” Finn says.

It wouldn’t. Rey doesn’t want to go to the med bay. She wants to return to the Falcon, curl up in the bunk. Or find another place to bury herself. But she can’t think of how to voice her objection, so she silently follows.

As a droid leads them to the med bay, Finn looks to Rey. “You okay?”

His concern for her is so freely given, and the shiver up her spine isn’t in regards to the cold. “I’m fine,” she repeats. She bites at her lip. “Thanks.”

He smiles back at her.

When they reach the med bay, Major Kalonia looks between the two of them. “Finn, I would like to have your back examined, to note its progress. Please see Mitda. Rey, if you would please come with me.”

Finn squeezes Rey’s hand. His fingers are warm around hers. “See you after,” he tells her.

Major Kalonia shows Rey to an examination bed, gestures her sit up on it.

“I wasn’t injured in battle,” Rey repeats. The details of what happened are fuzzy, but she isn’t injured. Cold, but not injured.

“I need to check your vitals. According to my records, you were briefly on Takodana and D’Qar, but you have spent more than a decade on Jakku previously, correct?”

Rey nods.

“General Organa knows a few people who had spent most of their lives on desert planets, and did not respond well to the drastic weather changes at Hoth. We just want to ensure the health of all our members, as best as we can.”

Major Kalonia continues to talk, though for some reason her words don’t make complete sense. Rey just nods whenever it feels appropriate. Recognizing the questions Major Kalonia asks takes a few moments, but she manages to answer everything.

After a long bout of silence, Rey asks, “Can I go now?”

“If you notice anything out of the ordinary, start to feel ill, or even feel the slightest bit unwell, please feel to step back in.” The stern expression accompanying the words fades into a sly smile. “Though I suppose we may be seeing you here often either way.”

Rey frowns, trying to figure out what she missed.

Finn appears at her side a moment later, tugging his shirt into place.

She blinks, then manages to ask, “How did it go?”

“That they’re very happy with my vitals, and the signs of progress my back is making.” He returns Rey’s grin, and then turns to Major Kalonia. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re doing better,” she replies. “As well as for your offered services.”

Rey frowns. Her head is starting to ache. Her fingertips hurt with cold.

Finn turns back to her. “I had a role when we were on the mission for the Starkiller Base. But I still want to help, and so I offered to train as a medic.”

Finn seems happy about it, and Rey makes herself smile. Then tease, “So you can help Chewie out better next time?”

“Don’t know about that,” he mutters. “But there’s a few training seminars I need to attend, and there’s a few others who are ready to get started. I’ll see you after?”

She nods. 

Finn hurries off, and Rey turns back to Major Kalonia.

“Feel free to stop by, for whatever reason, at whatever time,” Major Kalonia says. “But for now, you were in a battle, or at least prepared for one, and that puts a stress on your body. Even though you say you weren’t injured, your body needs rest. I’ll have a droid show you to your quarters.”

Rey doesn’t ask about where the quarters of Poe or Finn – or perhaps Poe and Finn – are, her jaw is too sore from repressing chattering her teeth. The effort of talking, on top of walking, is too much. She quietly follows the droid.

Rey gets her own room – part of training to being a Jedi, this small amount of special preference. Her room is smaller than the last two had been, but it’s entirely her own. It makes for a short shuffle to the bed. It’s laden with blankets, but the sheets are freezing cold when she slides in, and it takes tossing and turning a few times before they warm up. Rey takes off her – Poe’s – the – jacket, and drapes it over her, under the blankets. For all there are, there are not enough. It’s freezing cold.

It had been cold on the Starkiller base, it had snowed and been cold, and she had been in less than she is now. But all she remembers is the stinging grief of losing Han, the myriad of warring emotions as she duelled Kylo Ren, her overwhelming concern for Finn after. She hadn’t time to feel cold.

She feels cold now.

Feels it sinking into her bones.

She can't stand it.

"I never came to Hoth."

Rey slowly rolls onto her other side, facing the room, and sees Anakin sitting on the floor. There’s something she wants to say to him, but her thoughts are distant, just out of her grasp. She’s cold and she’s confused.

"Or rather, the one time I did, I wasn’t… When I was still myself, I never came to Hoth. Had my fair share of cold planets, though, but nothing like this. And when I first left Tatooine, everywhere I went, it was miserably cold. I couldn’t get warm enough."

"I’m so cold. I just want to sleep," Rey says, voice pitifully small. She feels like a child again, during the first few foodless days, unable to sleep. Part of her mind knowing exactly what she needed, but her body unable to do anything but react to the environment. “Just let me sleep.”

“Rey, if you want to…” But Rey accidentally shuffles onto a cold patch of the bed, and Anakin’s voice fades off.

There were times when she was so hungry, so overheated that it seemed impossible to sleep.

The cold feels worse than that.

But she can still try to sleep.

*

It doesn’t go well. She half-dozes, feeling unsettled. Poe said he would see her later. Finn said he would see her later. She should have asked for their rooms. But even if she knew, could she have gotten there? Could she get there now? The bed is so cold, but it it still better than the colder air outside it. She is so cold and so stiff, she doesn’t feel like she could move.

She wonders if she could send them a message. Send Finn a message. Come here. Please. Bring more blankets.

He would, too.

He would do anything for her.

And she wants to do the same. She wasn’t able to see him the first time he asked, and he asked to see her after. She’s going. Bracing herself, she sits up, shuffles back into the jacket, tugs at the blankets from where they had been tucked in, wraps them around herself as best as she can, and then rises to her feet. She makes her way down the hallways, not knowing where exactly she's going, but somehow knowing the right way. Hallway after hallway, the air cold, turning the corner, still cold, another hallway, all she can feel is cold. She knows the right door. When she raises her hand to knock, the door slides open.

Finn is standing there, his arm full of blankets. "Rey," he says, surprised. "Poe and I were heading over to– to see if you wanted company."

The exertion of the walk makes thinking of a reply hard, her thoughts all foggy.

Finn takes a step back, shoves the mass of blankets to Poe, and then pulls her into the room, pulls her into a hug. "I’m glad to see you."

Rey can't stop shivering. "I’m cold," she tells him, forehead going down into his neck. His skin is warm against hers, and she presses herself further against him.

They stand like that for a few long minutes.

"Bed's made back up," Poe says.

"C'mon," Finn says, and he starts shuffling back, pulling her with him, step by step, until he's at the side of the bed. He lets go and climbs under the covers, shuffling towards the wall. Then he pats the spot next to him.

Before she can climb in, blankets at all, arms go around her waist. "You'll be warmer if the blankets are on top, as opposed to around you– insulation works better if there's less barriers." Poe’s voice lowers. "Do you trust me?"

It’s too cold to move, but she gives him a short, jerky nod.

And then the blankets are being pulled from around her shoulders, then thrown on top of the bed. She’s guided under the covers. Finn pulls her against him, and a moment later Poe is pressed up behind her. The blankets are pulled up to her ears, but it takes a few minutes for her to stop shivering.

“It’s okay,” Finn murmurs.

“It’s cold. And I just want to sleep.”

They both press in closer, limbs intertwining with her own.

A hand skims down the side of her face. “Get some rest, Rey,” Finn says.

*

It’s a slow return to consciousness. The bed is unfamiliar, as are the background noises, and the smell of the air, and it’s disconcerting. But she’s warm, and that’s enough to make up for everything else. She opens her eyes, and sees that Finn is at her side, looking at her. 

“Morning,” he murmurs.

“Morning,” she whispers back.

He shakes his head. “Poe doesn’t wake up for anything less than an evacuation alarm. Or BB-8. You don’t need to whisper.”

She nods.

“How’d you sleep?”

She still feels half-asleep, in this cocoon of soft warmth, and she could easily slide back into it. But she should go to training, seek out Master Skywalker. She forces herself to focus back on Finn and his question. “Good. And you?”

“Fine.”

Rey stares at him, frowning.

After a moment, he frowns back. “What?”

“You’re not a very good liar.”

“What?” he repeats. “I’m not lying.”

“I know. And that’s what puzzling me. Why are you up so early?”

“I always get up at the same time every morning. It’s a… habit I haven’t been able to kick.”

The implication sinks in. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind,” he says, hurriedly, skirting the edges of a lie. “I just use the time to relax. Lie here and clear my mind. It’s quiet in the morning, and I like it.”

“I used to love the mornings. They were the coolest part of the day, best to work in. And it was… comfortable, almost.” She wrinkles her nose. “Though I’m tired of anything cool or colder.”

Finn huffs a laugh. He reaches his hand to her arm, rubbing the exposed skin of her shoulder. “Your clothes aren’t really suited for it.”

Rey shakes her head. “I should ask Master Skywalker to see if I can get Jedi robes.”

His face brightens. “Jedi robes. That would be so cool,” he enthuses.

Bringing him this joy makes her smile, and want to do anything to keep him this happy. “I should get started on that, then.” She rolls on her other side, and sees that Poe is still asleep. He’s on his stomach, face turned towards Rey, mouth slightly open, snoring ever so faintly. While Rey is glad that she and Finn didn’t wake him up, she would rather like to get out of the bed now, and she doesn’t think she can do it without disturbing him. “What do I do?”

“Huh,” Finn says, chin settling on her shoulder. “I usually sleep on the outside, so I don’t really know.”

It takes some maneuvering, some sleepy grumbling on Poe’s part, and Finn pressing a placating kiss to Poe’s nose, but Rey gets free.

The air feels like it has warmed perhaps two degrees. It’s still miserably cold, and her boots – set to the side of the bed, though Rey doesn’t recall them being taken off – are chilly when she steps into them. She has no idea where she is supposed to go, but she knows she should go to Luke. She takes a few centering breaths, and searches for him. Since she first found out about the map, she had felt a deep intuitive pull towards him, and she concentrates on that now. She leaves Finn and Poe’s room, and makes her ways down halls. She’s still chilly, and she has to actively focus on memorizing the route. 

Many quiet hallways later, she finds R2 waiting outside a door. He greets her, and ushers her inside.

The meditation room is larger – which makes it draftier, colder – and is as sparsely furnished.

Luke smiles when he sees her. His gaze flits over her, and his expression is one of relief. He nods towards the cushion – just a round cushion, not a meditation stool like last time – and closes his eyes.

Rey shifts from foot to foot.

After a moment, he turns back to her.

“I’m cold,” she says. He’s still wearing his layers, and she eyes them jealously. “Is there anywhere I can get something else to wear? Even if it’s just borrowed?”

Luke nods. He stands, and leads her out of the room.

R2 follows them, asking where they’re going.

“It’s too cold for what I’m wearing,” Rey tells him.

R2 beeps sympathetically.

They end up in a cramped room, and Rey stops short. There are clothes. Everywhere. There are a dozen tables scattered about, and clothes are on them, clothes are under them. Clothing merchants were infrequent traders on Jakku, and even when they had the most wares, there was no where near this much clothing.

Rey has only ever owned one pair of clothing at at time, up until Leia gave her a new vest. The idea of changing is extravagant, the idea of having this much… “Who owns all of these?” she asks.

R2 informs her that it’s a communal wardrobe, for those in need. Any clothing a Resistance member cherishes for themselves, they keep in their own quarters. For items they don’t mind sharing, they’re offered here. No one’s and everyone’s.

“I can wear whatever I want in here?” Rey asks, voice going high in disbelief.

R2 points out that it is up to Luke.

Luke is already picking his way through the tables.

“Are you going to pick out something new for me to wear, Master Luke?” Rey asks, unable to keep the amused note from her voice. He pulls a brown coat and drapes it over his arm, and gives her a deadpan stare. Then he moves onto the next table, flipping through the haphazardly arranged garments.

There’s a pang of a half-memory – the knowledge that her mother used to do this for her. She stands shock still, lets it ripple through her.

Rey hurriedly follows after Luke. He picks through clothes that are browns and tans, sturdy material. She looks through everything else. She enjoys herself by looking at the more lurid colors, running her hands across the different textures. There’s one dark brown that Luke walked by, and Rey picks it up. It’s smooth and cool under her fingertips – silk, something she had only ever felt the one time a trader had let her pick it up. She imagines it’s what Poe’s hair would feel like under her hands, or perhaps Finn’s skin– 

Heat flushes through Rey, and she sets it down abruptly, and catches up Luke.

He has quite the pile now, which he dumps on a new table, and starts sifting through. 

While he does, she remembers Finn’s enthusiasm. It’s catching on her now. In some ways, she feels like she’s been tested more than she’s been trained. Luke has been hands-off, his only contribution being to set the parameters of meditation stance, duration, and when not to leave. This is more involved, and Rey stares at him, awed, when he hands over the first garment.

It’s a thin athletic undershirt, light cream in color. Rey has never had a use for modesty, and so she starts taking off her vest and crosspiece, though she’s shivering by the time she’s down to her bandeau. She takes the cotton undershirt and puts it on hurriedly. It molds to her form. The second undershirt is a similar cream and thin cotton, though it’s a wrap that hangs looser on her.

“Do I get something heavier?”

His expression is fondly exasperated as he hands her a tan tunic, this time a more weighted cotton, with snug sleeves. 

He goes to pants now, and hands her a pair of matching tan trousers.

“Am I allowed to keep my boots?” she asks nervously. The boots were worth seven portions, which went to getting them tailored to fit her feet perfectly. They were worth every hungry day, as they made so many more areas accessible to her. They’re one of the few valuable things she has, and she’s reluctant to give them up. “They match,” she adds, hopefully.

Luke stares at them for a long time. Then shrugs.

She takes them off and sets them to the side. She pulls down her pants, stripped down to her undershorts. Luke is pointedly looking away as he holds out her new pants. They look the same weight as her own pants, but they’re warmer than anticipated. Now that there’s the press of cloth against the full of her legs, she becomes aware of how cold her calves had been. She slides her boots back on, tucking the pants into them. 

By this point, R2 has joined Luke, and is offering his opinion on which of the two tunics Luke should give her.

It’s another wrap shirt, a tan a half-shade darker than what she’s already wearing, this one with wide sleeves. After that, a brown tabard. He moves to a different table, where there are strips and strips and strips of fabric, and he returns with a wide cloth belt in a matching brown, as well as a thin leather belt. They’re slung over his shoulder, as he spends a few moments adjusting her clothing – pulling the cream undershirt snugger over her collarbone, adjusting the symmetry of her tabard. He twirls a finger, gesturing her to turn around, and then he’s pulling the belt around her, pressed tight enough to keep her clothing in place, but not uncomfortable. He hands her the thin leather stand to tie herself.

Luke steps back to look at her, and his expression is that of what it was when he first saw her. Recognition and understanding, and seeming ever so faintly impressed. 

He leads her to a mirror.

When she had first seen Luke, she had known, instinctively, that he was what a Jedi looked like. Seeing Anakin had only confirmed it.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she looks like a Jedi. The way the clothes fall, the style of it, the layers. She turns a few ways, looking at herself at different angles. It’s so unlike anything she thought she’d ever wear. She’s never been able to try on clothes before, never had the luxury of layers, no matter that she never had a need for them. But looking at herself in the mirror, it all fits. Looking at herself in the mirror, Rey feels a sense of pride, but a surety in her bones, that this is her path.

Finally, she turns back to Luke. “How do I look?” she asks.

He holds up a finger. Then he reaches towards her, hand hovering beside her ear, waiting for permission.

The pride is swept away by a flood of worry. She takes a half-step back. “What are you going to do to my hair?”

He just holds up a finger again. _One._

“Even if it’s one thing, one change–” she starts but her throat tightens. Tears quickly form at the corner of her eyes and she blinks rapidly. “I’ve always worn my hair like this. It was how– I’ve always worn my hair like this.” No one is coming back for her, but the childish hope has become part of her – if she wore her hair the same way, she would be recognized.

“Rey,” Luke says, quietly. It’s still strange to hear him. And while his voice is firmer than last time, there’s a gentle understanding. “I only need one strand. Trust me.”

She closes her eyes. She nods, a sharp jerking motion.

The air is still as as he moves to stand behind her, and he undoes the bottom bun.

Tears fall down her face as hair falls against her neck.

There’s a gentle tug on her hair.

Rey opens her eyes, and sees Luke is holding one thin strand. She takes it as permission to put the rest of her hair back up, which she quickly – practiced – does.

Once Rey’s hands are back at her side, Luke reaches for the loose strand. His movements are slow and methodical as he starts to braid it.

She wonders how many times he’s done this. Wonders how long it’s been since he’s done this.

“Tradition,” he says.

He’s training her, she realizes. Truly training her. A look in the mirror – her hair is still mostly the same – and the worry ebbs, pride bubbling up in her once more. She’s a Jedi Padawan. Luke’s training her. She’s going to be a Jedi.

She smiles all the way back to the meditation room.

*

The air around the flower is still, but there are wisps of breezes that stir the sand, wisps of thoughts that curl around the edges of her mind.

For so long, survival had been her only goal. Food, safety. With the First Order, current safety is more relative, but she has a place to sleep at night and she is not afraid that anyone around her could turn into a foe, and food is abundant. 

She has a place to sleep, and there is also Finn and Poe's bed. With the myth of Luke Skywalker came the myth of the Jedi – distant people, who rid themselves of emotions and attachments. Anakin had commented on it, but it didn’t sound as severe as she expected. Luke's forbiddance for her to see Finn aside, he has not commented on her attachments.

And Rey is attached. She had felt a connection with Finn sooner than she has ever felt with anyone before. She understands him in a deep and instinctual way, and cares for him much the same. His safety and his happiness is as important to her as her own.

Rey does not share the same surety of her feelings about Poe. She imagines it's the same for him as well, though – they both met Finn first, and they grew to spend time with each other due to Finn. But his kiss had been between them, and the faint stirring of desire Rey felt was for him. She wants it again, wants more of it. She wants Poe, and she wants Finn, and she wants the ease she has shared with them.

Her mission, for as much as one existed, was to find her family. In some ways, she already has – Leia is a cousin, as is Luke. Her mother is across the galaxy on Coruscant, and there is a part of Rey that wants to walk out of meditation, climb into an X-Wing and reunite with her, but Leia's warning was sound, and part of Rey knows that she will find her and reunite in time.

Her mission now is protection, caring for others. Finn, Poe. The Resistance. The galaxy. Kylo Ren, too– for all her anger towards him, it does not overpower her love for Leia, her desire to make her happy.

Rey stays after Luke has left. Waits.

Anakin appears.

Rey is glad. If still annoyed.

His concern from the other night is gone. Instead, he is unreservedly happy for her. “I’m glad Leia told you the truth.”

“Leia,” Rey repeats. “Your _daughter_. Which you never told me.”

“To be fair, I never said she wasn’t.”

“And you never said you were my great-uncle.”

“Relation to me is not always a good thing,” he murmurs, his joy fading. “I thought things might be easier if you saw me a distant figure. When I first slipped, revealed my relationship to Ben, revealed yours to Pooja, that was when you lost control of your emotions. But I – I didn’t handle it well. It’s not the first time I’ve been wrong. I apologize. As I’ve said, I’ve never been the wisest of the Jedi.”

Rey nods, assuaged. If still faintly annoyed.

“I like the Padawan braid by the way.”

“I hate it,” Rey blurts out.

Anakin laughs. “Any Padawan would have been lying if they said they didn’t.”

“Then why do it?”

“It’s a status marker. You are a Padawan. That is something to take pride in. And you are doing well. Also something to take pride in. Embrace the stage you’re at. Be patient.”

“I’m very patient,” Rey says. It comes out more of a snap than she meant. The lingering annoyance, tapped into so many years of upset… “I’ve learned to be patient.”

And just like that, the air shifts.

Anakin stares at her for a long few moments. “She looked for you,” he tells her, softly. “She tried to find out. She wanted to come back for you. She would have, if she could.”

Rey closes her eyes, and again feels tears welling up. She feels emotions struggling through her. _It’s not emotions, it’s ill-management_. There is nothing she can do about it now. Best to feel the emotions and let them pass. She centers herself again.

“You’re doing a good job,” Anakin repeats. “You’re pushing yourself, but you need rest. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

She assents. Her muscles are stiff, but it’s from one position for hours on end. She feels far less sluggish now that she has a few layers on. She steps out of the room, and Finn shines like a beacon, and she starts towards him. She turns a corner, and sees Leia.

Leia stops when she sees Rey. Her expression flickers through a myriad of emotions before settling on a soft pride. “You look…” She pulls Rey into a hug.

Rey returns it.

She pulls back. “Y’know, it’s too late right now, but if you want to stop by the canteen tomorrow dressed like that, I’m sure it’ll be one hell of a morale booster.”

Rey nods. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“And I like the braid,” she adds, as she heads off.

“It’s tradition,” Rey murmurs at Leia’s retreating back.

She makes her way back to Finn and Poe’s room. 

The door slides open.

Poe is sitting against the backboard, his legs under the covers. Finn is leaning against the adjacent wall, feet propped up. They’re talking to each other.

BB-8 is first to react, beeping enthusiastically. Both look over, and a look of awe passes over them both.

“Wow,” Poe says, while Finn enthuses, “That is so cool.”

Rey beams at them. She catches herself, and tries to school her expression into the somber Jedi calm as she enters the room.

Finn scrambles off the bed, and walks around Rey. “Seriously, Rey, you look great, you look like a real Jedi. And I’ve never seen a Jedi before. And you’ve got a braid!”

“It’s a Jedi tradition. How did your day go?” Rey asks. It’s an abrupt change in subject, but she doesn’t know how to do what she wants to do, and she needs time to stall while she starts taking off the extra layers for bed. Her fingers tremble slightly as she reaches behind to undo her belts.

“Good! I had some more lessons with the medics. No one’s really been injured, other than a few people coming down with colds. So a lot of preventative care, which is better than treating them after they get sick. Better day than Poe had,” he adds, sitting back on the bed.

Now down one tunic, Rey looks at Poe curiously.

Poe rubs a hand over his face. “There’s a lot of drills that need to be adjusted for this climate. The new tactician and I are… clashing over a few things. Nothing we won’t be able to work out, of course. Commander Friza is brilliant, Leia wouldn’t’ve brought her on if she wasn’t. It’s just frustrating waiting to get to that point. And exhausting.”

She hums in vague agreement. Her belts, tabard, loose tunic and tight tunic lie on a chair back. Her boots sit next to them.

“What about you?” Poe asks.

“Good,” Rey says, faintly. “Meditation went well. I had some time to think some things over, and…” She takes the remaining two steps towards the bed and kisses Finn.

Almost immediately, his hands are on the side of her face. He kisses her back, his mouth moving against hers. It feels amazing, and her own hands go to the front of his shirt to steady herself.

After a few seconds, Rey pulls back. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” she says in a breathless rush. “But I want this.”

Finn’s expression is the warmest it’s ever been. He nods. And then his gaze flicks behind her.

“And,” Rey adds, slowly, before turning and making her way up the bed.

Poe’s expression melts into one of relief, growing fonder and fonder as she approaches. She kisses him, a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. One of his hands come up to rest at the side of her neck, his thumb under her chin, allowing him to gently tilt her head to deepen the kiss. She pulls back, panting heavily. “That.” She takes a moment to catch her breath, before she says, “And I don’t really know what to do after that.”

“Whatever you want,” Poe tells her.

Finn comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle. “I’ve found hugging is a pretty good solution.”

Poe laughs. “As much as I enjoy that solution, you two should probably get under the covers first.” To Rey, he adds, “You’re starting to shiver.”

She is.

“Does Jedi training happened before or after Finn wakes up?” Poe asks, shuffling back towards the wall.

She tilts her head to look back at Finn.

“Probably after.” He kisses her nose. “You go in next.”

She nods, and slides in. Her heart is hammering, and her shivering isn’t due entirely to the cold.

Poe pulls her in against him and presses a kiss against her cheek. “I was starting to wonder if I’d been too forward with you back on D’Qar.”

“No, it was nice,” Rey tells him. To prove her point, she kisses him again. “When we first got here, I was too cold to really think about anything. And besides, I’ve just never done any of… this.”

Finn’s arms go around her. “You should have gone to Major Kalonia if you didn’t feel well.”

Rey shakes her head, and turns to look at him. “I could tough it out.”

He tips his forehead against hers. “Or you could ask for help.”

Her stomach flutters. She reaches up, touches her fingertips to Finn’s cheek. “I need help with this,” she says, grinning.

Finn leans in for a brushing kiss. “Other than a brief head start, I’ve never really done any of this before either,” he says.

“I’ll help you figure it out,” Poe says. He yawns, ands adds, “But now, I’m about ten seconds away from falling asleep.”

*

She slides into consciousness slowly, peacefully. Beside her, Finn’s breathing matches hers. Behind them, Poe softly snores. Rey opens her eyes, looking at Finn. He’s already looking at her. “I want to start meditating early, see if I might be able to end early. Meet you two in the canteen.”

Finn presses a kiss to her nose. “Sounds great.” He gets up to let her out, and then nestles back under the blankets.

Rey is immediately shivering. It’s not as cold as it could be, she supposes, but she keenly misses the warmth of the bed. She pulls on one tunic then the other. She has to warm her hands a few moments before she can tie her belt. She turns around to find her boots, and sees that Finn is watching her and grinning.

“So cool,” he repeats.

She kisses him on the temple. “I’ll see you after.”

She goes to meditation.

The cold doesn’t seem to touch her, and she spends hours upon hours in a peaceful trance. Towards the end, Rey opens her eyes first.

A second later, Luke follows suit.

“General Organa asked that I make my presence known.”

Luke shakes his head, but there’s a smile on his face. He stands up, and nods for her to do the same.

*

The bustle of the dinner rush overflows the canteen, and Rey hears it as she walks down the corridor, the noise steadily rising.

She walks in through the open doors.

The room goes silent.

She stands a few moments.

Hoth is freezing cold. Although Rey hasn’t spent much time around other Resistance members, she’s felt the change in the air. The thrill of the Starkiller Base defeat has ebbed away. In its wake, there is not despair, not hopelessness – but a bone and soul-deep exhaustion.

Rey knows. She spent many years as its companion.

A charge runs through the air, and Rey holds her head high as they all stare at her. 

She keeps her expression neutral, and heads over to where Finn has started waving her over. Aside from Finn, everyone is either in pilot orange or a face Rey recognizes as being a pilot. Finn and Poe both scoot over to make room for her between them. Finn pushes over a second plate from his tray.

“You didn’t tell me you were going to be a Jedi,” Gar says. “I never saw you after you left the room, I had no idea this is why.”

“Enjoying your new sleeping arrangements?” Pava adds, shooting a sly look at Poe.

“What’s it like?” Snap asks.

"C'mon, back up, give her some space," Finn says. "She's had a long day of Jedi training, let her sit down first."

"What's it like being a Jedi?" Pava asks, as soon as she’s seated. "My mothers tested me when I was a child, but I am... what's the term for people like us, Dam?"

"Force-sensitive as a potato."

Finn snorts, and Rey smiles.

The commentary and small asides ebb, and they all look to her, waiting.

"I don't know how to describe the Force. And I certainly can't talk about being a Jedi, I've just started out as a Padawan."

"It's what's the braid is for," Finn adds, pointing to the small braid. “Jedi training tradition.”

“Jedi are stylish,” Snap adds. “All we get are these lousy orange pilot suits.”

“Speak for yourself, I look great in this,” Pava replies, garnering a few laughs.

“Keep telling yourself that, Pav,” Poe says.

Rey eats, lets the conversation ebb and flow around her. Jedi are mysterious, mythical, it’s best not to answer too many questions. Especially as she wouldn’t know most of the answers. Instead, she eats. She’s still not hungry during training, but afterwards she’s ravenous. She’s heard the cautionary tales, of salvagers who found rare parts worth dozens of portions that made themselves sick by eating too much. She’s stuffed herself a few times, and she wants to replenish the energy lost from the battle and that first day and training, but she needs to be careful.

Eventually dinner ends, and Rey follows Poe and Finn back to their quarters. After a few hallways, Finn slows down, and his fingers brush against hers. “Can I?”

She smiles in reply.

He laces their hands together, and beams.

They get into the room, and then Rey turns and kisses Finn. Slow, chaste, sweet.

"Why do you always kiss Finn first?" Poe asks, once they've broken apart.

"Because I met him first," she tells him, over her shoulder.

"If we're going by meetings, I should get to kiss him first."

"I’m pretty sure you already did,” she says, archly.

"She's got you there," Finn says.

"And besides," Rey continues, "he's holding my hand. It's natural to go to him first."

"Oh?" Poe asks. He glances at Finn, and Finn lets go of Rey's hand. Poe walks to her side, and laces his fingers with hers. Finn steps back and Poe shuffles over, and takes her other hand as well. His hands are just as warm as Finn’s were, and his thumbs rub over her knuckles. "And what about now?"

She leans in, and presses a kiss to his mouth. She wants to pull him in closer, pull herself in closer to him, but her hands are already occupied, and she doesn't want to pull her hands away for anything.

When she pulls back, Poe dips his forehead against hers. They stand like that for a long moment.

"Is it my turn again yet?" Finn asks.

Rey turns around, and sees that he's already curled up in bed. She pulls away from Poe and reluctantly starts pulling her outer layers off, until she's dressed down enough to go into bed with him. She curls up next to him, and presses her mouth against his. It’s a chaste kiss, but a full-body experience, his hands framing her face, his toes wiggling against hers.

"I thought I was supposed to get the far side," Poe says.

"I’m warming your spot," Finn replies.

Poe just slides in under the covers, and proceeds to climb over them. It gets a laugh out of Finn, and Rey starts to laugh, up until the inside of Poe’s thigh slides against the side of hers. Even through the thin cotton of her shorts, she can feel the heat of his body. Part of her – a very specific part of her – wants more, but at the same time, she doesn’t think she’s ready. Not tonight. Not yet.

Rey and Finn both shuffle over, and Poe settles against the wall. It occurs to Rey that her position is in the middle. She bites her lip, and then she’s pushing up slightly, and moving over Finn – his eyes locked with hers the entire time – and into the middle. But with Finn having had not moved, the space is limited, and she ends up lying half on Poe, sprawled half on Finn. Poe’s thumb strokes over the inside of her thigh, not trailing up, but still opening a possibility. Thankfully, Finn shuffles towards the edge of the bed, and Rey, flushing a bright pink, is able to move more onto the bed than either of them.

Poe removes his hand momentarily, before cautiously settling on her waist. “There’s time,” he murmurs. Finn’s finger lace with hers. Poe continues, “Just let us know.”

She lets out a sigh. Finn is staring at her, patient and adoring. She rubs her thumb over his knuckles. “Not yet,” she says. “But not nothing?”

Poe shuffles so he’s lying flush against her back. “What’s your comfort level?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “No idea.” A beat. “I’ll tell you to stop if I want you to?”

He nods, and presses a kiss against her neck.

“That,” she says, breathless, “is definitely something you should not stop doing.”

He murmurs something, which feels better, if possible.

Finn leans in, and bumps his nose against hers a few times, before he moves in to kiss her. He’s always slow and careful, a leisurely exploration that’s as easy as breathing. 

Poe makes his way up her neck, and Rey tilts her head to meet him. There’s no urgency in Poe’s kisses, but there is something building that leaves her breathless.

Her skin is aflame with conflicting wants. She wants very much to move forward with this, wants to alleviate some built-up pressure; but at the same time, there are already so many new and unfamiliar sensations, the idea of adding to it seems a bit much.

“And now I’m going to sleep,” Finn announces.

Poe leans over Rey, kisses the corner of Finn’s eye, his temple, his cheek. A brief kiss to her cheek, and then he’s settling down behind her. Rey’s heart is thumping in her chest, but between the quiet of the bed, she’s able to drift to sleep.

*

The morning is quiet and peaceful. To her left, Finn is lying in his back, eyes closed but awake. To her right, Poe is on his stomach, his closer arm slung over Rey’s middle. She leans in and presses a kiss to his nose, eliciting a brief, sleepy smile.

Finn has slid out of the bed, and Rey slides out of Poe’s loose embrace. She brushes a kiss to Finn’s cheek as she gets out. She dresses quickly, and looks back to Finn. And smiles at the sight of him cuddling back into Poe’s embrace. “How do I look?”

He gives her a thumbs up.

She goes to the meditation room.

The cushions have been replaced by meditation stools.

Luke is already there, seated, but with his feet on the floor. Luke is skilled at masking his emotions, and he’s completely neutral, but there’s a charged energy in the air.

Rey goes to her stool, and starts taking her boots off.

“I thought it wise to start the session earlier. You were not at your quarters.”

“Sorry,” Rey says, throat going dry. Her pulse picks up. “I was sleeping… sharing a bed with Finn and Poe.”

There were many stereotypes about the Jedi. Forbidden to love, forbidden to care, forbidden to form attachments.

Luke sighs. “For many years, the Jedi forbid any sort of attachment. I do not believe in the severity to which they followed the rule, but I do see the reasoning for it. As a Jedi, when you are in full control of what you can do, I feel like attachments should be encouraged. But as young as you are, and the stage you are at in your training…”

Rey stares at him.

“We don’t want you to end up like me,” Anakin says.

Luke shifts his head to look at him. “Hello, Father,” he murmurs.

“Hello, son,” Anakin replies.

Rey continues to stare. Dread sits heavy in her stomach. She is in control of her emotions. Emotional control is important, neither Luke or Anakin can feel what she’s feeling.

“What brings you here?”

“I’ve been with her since the beginning. I figured she might like someone who would reply to her questions,” Anakin says dryly.

She did.

Anakin turns to her. “Although I suppose you are liking it less now.”

She is.

Luke leans in, setting his forearms on his legs. “Rey, when you are a Jedi, when you are in full control of your emotions, you are safe from the Dark Side. But when you let yourself be ruled by your emotions, the Dark Side will try and pull you over. It happened to my father–” Anakin looks away “–it happened to my nephew, and I am not willing to let it happen to anyone else.”

“So…” 

_If you go, I go._

Now… it’s the same ultimatum, really. _You can’t go and comeback._

Luke shakes his head.

“Rey, I was reunited with Padme when I was too young, I hadn’t learned control yet. And you…”

“I can’t be with them,” she says, voice distant to her own ears.

And there’s nothing left that could be said afterwards, so she closes her eyes, meditates.

Rey feels a tumble of emotions. She imagines cupping a hand around the flower, blocking it from the upset of a sandstorm. The flower is hard to focus on. Anakin flickers in and out and in and out and stay sout.

She thinks about everything she decided on and how it’s now ash that blows away in the sandstorm.

Meditation finally ends.

Luke leaves, but Rey stays, if only so to wait him out.

Rey goes to the canteen. There are some bread rations. The rations here are better than the rations she had on Jakku, but she can't fully appreciate it. She carefully balances out her portions.

She goes to Poe and Finn's room, and knocks at the door.

It swooshes open, and Poe's there, and then he's leaning down and greeting her with a brief kiss.

Rey pulls back. Bites her lip.

Poe frowns. "Sorry, I thought–"

"Rey, are you okay?" Finn asks from behind Poe.

"We need to talk," Rey says.

She steps into the room, only enough so the door can close. She feels tense. This doesn’t feel free.

The concerned air grows.

Poe glances at Finn every few seconds.

“Anakin told me emotions– relationships, the Jedi forbid them, but they were okay. If managed. And we managed. But I’m… I’m not…”

A frown is etched into Poe’s face.

"Don't tell me–" Finn says.

"Yeah," Rey says, looking away from them. “Until I’m a Jedi…”

Silence hangs heavy between them.

“So…” Poe starts. “How long does that training take?”

She shakes her head, unable to look them in the eye. “I don’t know. I just know it… it takes time.” Rey’s gotten good at waiting. She can wait for them. And she was ready to let Finn be with Poe before. She let him go once. She can let him go again. "But you two don't have to wait."

Poe looks at her incredulously, and Finn says, “We’re waiting for you, Rey.”

It warms her. “But you don’t have to wait to be together. I want you two to stay together. I'll– when I can, I'll be back. But until then, you two can..."

They look at each other, neither entirely happy, but less worried than a moment ago.

“I should get going,” she says, hurriedly. "I trained extra long today, I need to head back to my quarters. I'll probably see you around the base." And then she flees.

Her room is freezing cold. And missing all of her blankets from when she went over to Finn and Poe's the first time. Damn. She goes back into the hallway, and starts down a hallway until she finds a droid who knows where the extra blankets are stored. There aren't a lot. Taking beyond her portion is something she never learned, not even in the worst of her days on Jakku. She takes as few as she imagines she'll need, and then keeps one of her tunics on as she fitfully falls asleep.

*

She wakes up as early as she can. By her estimate, it's earlier than when Finn usually wakes, but even if it weren't, it’s still early enough that he likes to lie and ruminate in bed, he won't be in the canteen.

The rations are slimmer this morning. Rey takes a roll to eat and can only bring herself to sneak one extra, stuffed into the loose layers of her tunic.

It's cold in the meditation room, and Rey reaches up to idly rub at her nose. Her nose is cold. Everything is cold. She takes a deep breath in, and sighs it out. It doesn’t mist, much to her surprise. She thinks of a desert with a flower. A desert with heat.

There is no heat. It’s cold. And it jars her every so often, losing her concentration. Each time, she tries to calculate how long it's been since the last one. It's easier for her to return to her previous state, which she finds comforting. She doesn't know what Luke is thinking, but when she falls out, if he senses it, if he regrets it, she's able to channel his emotions out.

The session stretches long. She gets more in-tuned during the last of the session, and meditation goes well after that.

She goes into the mostly-empty canteen and eating two servings of whatever warm stew one of the chefs had made.

She goes to her quarters, she lies down, and closes her eyes, and waits to fall asleep.

And waits some more.

Instead of the darkness of her mind, though, she feels like there's something. Something else. Her pulse picks up, and a rhythm rocks through her. She shifts on the bed, rolling onto her stomach, unable to abate the heat around her collar bone or between her legs, lost in the smooth, dark brown line of a bicep, and silky hair under fingertips and– 

Rey startles. She pushes herself up, breathing heavily, arousal throbbing between her legs. Awake, there’s still the distant knowledge of Poe’s smile and Finn’s laugh and bodies moving together and– damnit. She sits up, goes into position, and meditates.

Focuses on dry and bleak sandstorms. 

When it feels morning, she gets up from her bed, goes to the meditation room, and then goes back into meditation position. Luke doesn’t say anything when he enters, and Rey keeps her gaze lowered so he doesn’t sense anything. She meditates and meditates and...

There's a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her.

Rey frowns, and opens her eyes. Luke is right in front of her. The ceiling, not the wall, is behind him. She's on the ground. She blinks, and sits up, Luke moving back from her. She looks around. The room seems still and stale, and Anakin is nowhere to be seen. She's just beside her cushion. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep." There's a note of caution, of worry, of needing an explanation.

She draws herself back up onto the cushion. "I couldn’t sleep last night. So I meditated.”

Luke stares at her, assessing. "You’re still at the beginning of your training. Sleep is necessary."

Rey doesn’t want to return to an empty room with an empty bed, but the dismissal is clear. Rey goes back to her bunk, and the only saving grace is that she instantly falls asleep. But her sleep schedule is being thrown off, and she wakes back up for a few more hours, and meditates. She goes to the canteen again, and takes a roll. She bites into it, and it’s sweeter than any other bread she had. It’s delicious. Her fingers itch to take the entire pan. Her experience with sweets have resulted in sickness with eating too many, but she takes three to store for later. Back to her bed, she makes herself go back to sleep.

*

The next morning, R2 is at his usual sentry position outside the meditation room, and tells Rey to report to the med bay. Major Kalonia wants her there as soon as she's available. Luke already knows.

"It's been a week since we arrived on Hoth," Major Kalonia says, as Rey sits on an exam bed. "You haven't reported any symptoms, but I do like to follow up where and when I can. I need to look at your vitals."

As she does, she continues to talk. "How are you sleeping? Are you staying warm through the night? We put in a request for the Republic for more blankets, done through a drive to donate to the in-need, and they've been arriving now and then."

"I'm fine," Rey says, quietly.

“That’s not very convincing,” she tells her.

 _You will drop this matter_ , she thinks, distantly. She could never use it on a Resistance member, nor would she want to, but she does not want to continue this conversation.

“Depression and lack of energy are normal in this wealth,” Major Kalonia continues. “How have you been eating?”

“Well.”

She hums. “You were severely undernourished when you arrived, but the read-outs are good. No stomach cramping or pain?”

Rey shakes her head. “I’ve been careful.”

There’s a flicker in the back of her mind, and she turns to see Finn has entered the vicinity.

Rey looks away.

Major Kalonia discreetly dismisses herself.

Finn hovers. "You're not mad at us, are you?" he asks.

She looks back up at him. "Why would I be mad?" she asks.

He stares at her hard for a moment, and then some of the worry fades from his face. He leans up against the exam table. His hands laces with hers. "You know, just because we can't... go forward, with some things, you can still be with us. For everything else, we are friends.”

He’s warm against her side. After years of no touch, Finn taking her hand had been startling and alarming and uncomfortable. She’s grown accustomed to it, and has enjoyed it, eased into the easiness of it. Of Poe wrapping an arm around her. She doesn’t think she can go back. She doesn’t want to.

"There's no way he can stop me from having friends," she reasons. It doesn’t still well with her, and she sighs out. “I want more than that, though. And I don’t know if I’ll…” 

“We’ll set boundaries. We can figure it out. And as much as me and Poe want to see you, you need to socialize more. I don’t want you to withdraw into yourself. Poe’s said he’s seen you start doing it once.”

Rey sighs again. “We can figure it out,” she repeats.

Finn beams. "Swing by later tonight? We can catch up."

Rey gives him a small nod, and a smaller smile. "I'll see you tonight."

*

Meditation goes long, but not well. She struggles, looks to her desert blossom, but all she can see is the vast desert around it, and the vaster sky beyond.

Days counting by.

Ships leaving the planet and leaving her.

She has been let go, and there is no one around in the isolation of the desert.

She finds herself brought to tears a few times. It doesn’t go well.

When Luke stands up, Rey nearly cries in relief. She stands up, stretches.

It’s cold outside the room, seemingly more than normal. She goes to her quarters, only to get the sweet rolls she had from the other night. She is going to come back here to sleep. She is going to follow the Jedi traditions.

But she is going to talk to her two friends first.

She knocks on the door, and Poe is the one to open it. He moves towards her an inch, but stops himself. Makes himself move out of the doorway. “Hey, Rey.”

“Hey,” she says. It’s warmer in the room.

Finn is already in bed.

“Am I–”

“No,” Finn tells her. “We just had a lot of check-ups, but no real things to manage, so I asked if I could leave early.”

“He only pulled a half day,” Poe continues, forcing himself to sound offended. “While the rest of us were at work maintaining our equipment, or meditating.”

“I offered to help with the maintenance!” Finn protests.

“He did,” Poe says, breaking into a smile. He leans in. Conspiratorially, he asks, “Did you know he’s not very good with machinery?”

Rey smiles. Leans in. “I needed to fix the Falcon after we first met, and it was impossible to get him to get me the right tool.”

“I’m getting better,” Finn protests.

Poe laughs, and heads over to the bed. Rey is acutely aware of the loss. “We know you are, buddy.” He climbs over Finn to settle in the corner. “C’mon,” he tells Rey.

She takes the chair. It’s horribly uncomfortable. “Here,” she says, handing over a roll a piece. “I had one last night, and really enjoyed it, and thought that you might want one.”

“Oh, are these Nunnrian rolls?” Poe asks, looking at it. “Only one member makes them, but they go fast when they’re made. I can hardly ever snag one.”

“Ooh, are these the thing Jessika was hoarding? They’re tasty.”

“Wait, Pav gave you one?”

“Yes.”

“She _gave_ you one.”

“Yeah…?”

“What? I have to barter for those.”

“She likes me more than she likes you,” Finn tells him, smugly. He turns to Rey. “Did you ever really meet Pava?”

And so they talk and they talk and they bond and catch up.

Finn gets lower and lower, as does Poe.

As does Rey.

*

It’s freezing cold when Rey slowly returns to consciousness. She blinks a few times, trying to figure out what’s going on. She’s in a curled position, her muscles cramped from it. She blinks a few times more, and realizes she’s curled up on the end of the bed. The chair was not comfortable. This is not much better.

Poe is sitting on the side of the bed, his thigh just shy of her forehead. He’s looking down at her. “Rey…” he says, softly.

She stares up at him. She wants to stay here. Wants him to say her name like that again, wants him to keep looking down at her the way he is.

He reaches down, cupping her cheek in one hand, taking both her hands in his other.

She closes her eyes. She wants him to keep holding her like this. And he will if she stays here. And she will fall asleep if he does. “I should get back to my own quarters…” she says, voice thick.

“There have been occasional power outages. It’s freezing cold out. People are discouraged from leaving.” His voice shifts. “You don’t have to go.”

“I don’t want to.”

Poe slides his hand down to her chin, and turns her face to look up at him. And waits until she opens her eyes. “Then don’t. Not tonight, at least. I talked to Finn about your conversation. I’ve wanted to kiss you since we first hugged, from that first night you fell asleep in the medbay. But I waited until it was appropriated, and I can wait again. We can really reassess everything tomorrow, but for now, come to bed.”

She slowly sits up, and sees that Finn is now against the wall, which puts Poe in his way of getting up and out. “Why are you on this side?”

“Early morning drill,” he tells her. “And Finn wants to take a lazy day tomorrow.”

She nods.

“Now, come on, take off a few layers, and get to bed.”

It’s cold and she doesn’t want to take her clothes off. Her fingers struggle with untying the thin leather belt. She moves the knot around to the front. It’s cold, and she can’t get her fingers to cooperate. She can’t stop shivering either, which makes her coordination worse.

Poe’s hand settles over hers. “Do you trust me?” he asks.

She thinks back to the first night. Nods.

“Do you want me to help you?”

After a long beat, she nods again.

He takes the belt off her in a second. He reaches around her, his body pulling in close to hers, unhooks the wide cloth belt, lets it drop to the floor. The tabard joins a moment later. His hands are then on her shoulders, and he’s gently pushing off her first tunic, his hands tracing down her arms – one layer between her skin and his palms – before he sets the tunic to the side as well.

The last tunic, he tugs it out of the waistband of her pants, and Rey can practically feel his fingertips through the thin cotton of her undershirts. The sleeves are fitted, and her bare skin is beneath them, and he again runs his hands down her arms, tugging at the material. When it’s free of her hands, she grabs for his. His hands are so warm. She looks up at him. She can’t stop shivering.

He steps in closer, his head angled towards hers, but not moving, just watching, waiting.

Her breathing hitches. “I felt you and Finn the other night,” she whispers.

“Finn told me,” he murmurs in reply.

“I don’t know what to do,” she says. “I want that, I want to be with you and Finn, but training to be a Jedi… I don’t know what to do.”

“I want you,” Poe says, which sends a different kind of shiver up her spine. He dips his forehead against hers. “Finn wants you. But the Resistance comes first. Your training comes first. You’re making the right choice. If there’s a compromise to be found, we can compromise. But if we have to wait for the end of the war for you, we will wait.”

Rey doesn’t want to have to wait. “I don’t train as well after the nights I was away from you. I don’t think I’m as strong without you.”

“Then get under the covers, and let’s go to sleep.”

They do.

*

That morning, she wakes to Poe rubbing her shoulder. She looks over, and sees that he is in his orange jumpsuit. He cups the side of her face, thumb sweeping over her cheek. He doesn’t say anything, just gazes down at her and smiles. After a few quiet minutes, he leaves. Rey slides out of the bed to dress, and looks back at Finn.

He’s still in bed, staring up at her so, so fondly.

It stays with her as she makes her way to meditation. She arrives before Luke. The door is locked, but with the swipe of her hand it slides open.

A bone-deep calm settles into her as she sits. The dunes are replaced by a flat expanse. She passingly notices the arrival of Luke, the ripple of his presence.

A wind ripples over the sand as he starts to mediate, but she smooths it back out.

There’s nothing but the sand, the flower, and her thoughts.

She thinks about Anakin – his loss of control and what he lost because of it. She thinks about Kylo Ren. About Luke’s loss. Connections to Anakin, ill-management.

She thinks about her mother. Her mother, and the knowledge she’s out there and Rey could see her. About the lingering desire to steal an X-Wing and fly to find her. But what Leia said – and Rey doesn’t know if she’s ready for a reunion, if she could control herself. She thinks of the years and years and years alone, about the deep-rooted anger – thinks that this is something she wants, but may not be ready for.

She thinks about Finn and Poe. She is ready to give up Finn and Poe to be a Jedi. She can’t cut them out of her heart, she cares for them both too much, but in caring for them, she can be happy for them if they’re together. She can sacrifice herself that way. She knows what her limits are.

Shouldn’t that be enough?

She knows she’s better with them. She knows she’s better with them without them. And perhaps that’s the point – that they’re afraid her losing either of them would trigger something, make her susceptible to the Dark Side. The idea of losing them, of them being in danger… the Resistance comes first, Poe had said. And it does.

But this is what defines the Resistance.

Compassion.

After thousands of days waiting for her family to come back to her, there is nothing that can break her, nothing more that can hurt her.

Only help heal.

*

Rey returns to to Poe and Finn’s – and her – room.

Finn’s skimming through a datapad, and he beams when he sees her. “Hey, Rey,” he says.

“Where’s Poe?”

“He’s helping some of the cadets with something. He was kind of speaking in a hurry, I didn’t catch it. All I got was the ‘be back soon’ part.”

Rey nods. And stares at Finn. And tries to figure out the best way to do this. Poe had been the one to offer, and him not being her changes her plan.

Finn’s expression dims. “Everything alright?”

She moves her mouth into a smile. Nods.

Finn doesn’t look reassured.

Rey doesn’t blame him. She takes a deep breath in, then undoes the leather belt. Her robes were rumbled this morning, and Master Skywalker must have noticed, so she sets the leather belt across the chair back, then the wide cloth belt over it. She takes off her over-tunic, and it goes on the growing pile. She slides out of her shoes. Her second tunic, so there’s only the thin cotton shirts remaining.

She should wait to take off the rest when Poe arrives.

She turns back to Finn, biting her lip.

His gaze keeps flickering between her state of undress, her mouth, and her eyes. “You sure about this?”

“Not sure about how to get around to it,” she admits, “but the end part, yes.”

Finn smiles wide, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “Thankfully Poe helped me figure that part out.” He moves to the edge of the bed. “C’mere.”

Rey makes her way over to him. She stops when their knees touch. Uncertain of a better way to get closer, she climbs up to kneel on either side of him, her front pressed against his, her hands resting on his shoulders. For a long moment, she just stares down at him, while he stares up at her.

“I want you to know,” she starts, softly.

His voice is scarcely more than a whisper as he asks, “Yeah?”

“You looked at me the way no one had either.”

His eyes go wide for a moment, and then he’s surging up against her, his hand coming around to cup her neck as his mouth presses up to meet hers.

It’s wonderful. They kiss and they kiss and they keep kissing. Finn’s kisses have always been more playful, but now there’s a heated desire behind them.

“I don’t know what to do with my hands,” she says, breathlessly, pulling back. “I like holding you. Should I be doing something else?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“But what do you want?”

“I’m just happy that you like what you’re doing.” One of his arms wraps around her lower back, pulling her in closer. “You don’t need to be nervous with me.”

“Not nervous. More curious than nervous,” she amends. “You’ve done this before, you know what you’re doing.”

“I just know because I asked Poe a lot of questions. And they’re mostly what I’m telling you. Do what feels right.”

She leans down and kisses him again, and again, and trails kisses up his cheek to his temple, then back down to the corner of his jaw.

It gets a hum from Finn. “You know, Poe has a very sensitive neck.”

“Does he.”

“Yeah. Had fun learning that.”

Rey pulls back, gaze flitting around his face, assessing. “And you?”

“You’ll have to figure that out,” Finn replies, smiling deviously up at her. “You?”

“I don’t know myself.” She returns his smile. “We’ll have to find out.”

They kiss more and more, minutes blurring past.

The door opens, and Rey can hear Poe and BB-8 conversing. The conversing abruptly ceases.

Rey pulls back ever so slightly.

BB-8 beeps, and hurriedly rolls off down the hall.

The door whooshes closed.

Rey turns around, leaning back against Finn’s hands to keep her balance. “Took you long enough,” she says, her voice coming out more breathlessly than she thought it would.

Poe is just leaning back against the door.

“I was expecting soon to be sooner,” Finn adds.

Poe just nods.

Rey starts to feel self-consciousness prickling along her neck. “Everything alright?”

“I’m just enjoying the view,” he says.

“It’s better up close,” Finn adds.

Rey turns back to him. He gives her a devious smile, and she brushes a quick kiss against his mouth before turning back to Poe, who still hasn’t moved.

“You sure about this?” he asks, his voice low.

“I thought about it a lot,” she replies, just as seriously. “And yes. This is what I want. I won’t give up my training, but I won’t have a reason to. Being with you will only strengthen my training. This is my decision.”

Finn’s fingers clench against her back.

Poe bites his lip for a long moment. “Can’t argue that,” he says, and then his hands are at the top zipper of his orange pilot coveralls.

Finn makes an excited noise. “I love it when he strips,” he says in a hushed whisper, as Poe unzips down to his navel.

Rey had enjoyed it when Poe had helped undress her the other night, but that enjoyment came from the proximity, having his body against hers. Watching him pull his coveralls off his shoulders doesn’t have the same appeal.

And then Poe pulls his shirt off.

“Oh,” she says, distantly.

“Yeah,” Finn says, dreamily.

Poe smirks at them for all of about two seconds before it flickers into a pleased smile. He saunters over to the bed, and settles behind Rey, leaning in for a brief kiss.

Rey twists her body and braces herself on Finn’s shoulder, so she can hitch her right leg around Poe’s waist. She pushes off Finn to wrap her other leg around Poe, lifting herself to curl around him, pressing her mouth against his.

“That was hot,” Finn says behind them.

Poe’s hands settle under her thighs to help support her. After a few fluttering kisses, he says, “Yeah. It was.” He moves to the foot of the bed, and then drops her down. She lets out a breathless laugh, before he climbs on top of her, and pulls her into another kiss. His hips settle between her legs, and she gasps into his mouth. The firm press of his body is a foreign sensation – welcome, while still building into something that could grow to be overwhelming. She kisses it away. They can work up to this.

Poe pulls back, and says, “Finn needs to take off his shirt.” He turns his head, and amends, “Finn’s already taken off his shirt.”

Rey turns her head, and her breath hitches. 

Finn is sitting there, looking gorgeous. 

“You’re gorgeous,” she says.

Finn grins.

And then Poe pulls back. “Taking off the bottom of these things isn’t as sexy,” he says. While he starts to toe off his boots, Rey pushes herself up onto her elbows, and Finn takes his cue to lean in for a kiss. And then she’s shifting, mouth going down his neck, further from earlier, while her hands roam over his chest, nails tracing the lines of his muscles. She makes her way back up to his mouth, and then she’s rolling on top of him, pushing him down on the bed, hands back on his shoulders, his skin under her fingertips.

She pulls back abruptly, so she’s straddling his hips. “Is it okay for you to be on your back like this?”

Finn lets out a breathless laugh.

Rey frowns. “What?”

“I asked the same thing,” Poe murmurs, now standing next to the bed, in nothing but a pair of boxers.

Rey looks from him, back to Finn. “I should take my shirt off.”

“You should do what you want to do,” Poe says.

She looks back at him. Bites her lip. “And what if I want someone to take my shirt off for me?”

Poe’s gaze goes darker.

“I like this idea,” Finn says.

Poe climbs onto the bed, going over Finn’s legs, and then he’s kneeling, making him taller than her. He wraps his arms around her in a brief embrace, kissing her cheek. And then he lowers his mouth, lips brushing against her bare shoulder while he tugs her undershirt from her pants. He pulls back to slide the shirt off, and his mouth returns to her shoulder, a firmer press of lips. His fingertips slide her her athletic tank, his palms sliding up her skin as the shirt bunches. Rey’s breathing hitches, and her eyes flutter closed.

“I see what you mean about the view,” Finn says from below.

Rey leans forward to help him take her shirt off fully, and then Poe’s hands are are on her again, running up her sides, while Finn’s fingers are tracing lines above the waist of her pants. She spends a minute just enjoying the attention, the feel of it.

She wants more.

Poe’s hands have gone down around her navel, and she sets her hands on his, pulling them back up her stomach, then she places over the bandeau still covering her breasts. And sucks in a breath. Poe tries to pull his hands off, but she just puts them back in place. “It’s nice,” she says.

“Really nice,” Finn echoes.

“Is it?” Poe asks. He squeezes then, just the slightest pressure, and his thumbs fan back and forth.

Rey gasps, and her hips stutter down to grind against Finn, who tightens his grip on her waist. She reaches her left hand back, nails digging into the nape of Poe’s neck. His hands tighten on her, and even more so as she turns her head back, and presses an open-mouth kiss against his neck.

Finn rocks up into Rey as Poe lets out a ragged moan.

“That’s not fair,” Poe says, voice thick.

Rey just responds by arching her back against his chest, while pressing down against Finn, and running her tongue across Poe’s skin.

Finn’s fingers slide past her hem down to the crease of her thigh. “Rey, do you think Poe’s done undressing you?”

She pulls away from him. “Not yet,” she says, breathlessly. 

Finn is on the right side of the bed, and there’s space between him and the wall for her to lie down. She lifts her right knee up, careful not to knee Finn or Poe as she twists her body to flop down beside Finn. He rolls onto his side, and then pulls her into a kiss, while Poe starts pressing kisses down her stomach. Poe’s fingers hook around the waistband of her pants, and Rey lifts her hips up to let him pull them down. Once they get down past her thighs, and the bare skin of her knees is visible after her undershorts, he presses a kiss to the inside of her knee.

Rey gasps into Finn’s mouth, and he responds by reaching his hand to caress her side.

Her pants now gone, Poe traces a finger over her hipbone, close to the hem of her undershorts.

Rey pulls back from Finn, looks up at Poe. “I think that’s– that’s good. Is that okay?”

“Absolutely,” Poe replies. He looks to Finn. “How do we do this?”

“I’m happy where I am,” Finn says. “Rey?”

Rey nods.

Poe climbs over her, an elbow beside her head to brace him, the other hand curled around her hip. He presses a kiss against the corner of her jaw. “Let us know if you want to stop or a take a break, got it?” And then he slowly presses up against her. 

She squirms, shifting to find the right position, and nods again. This time, as he thrusts against her, she bites back a moan. Back on Jakku, touching herself was something to be done as a brief relief, she never had the energy to make it pleasurable.

This was pleasurable.

Finn presses kiss after kiss against her mouth, and she moans into it as Poe keeps thrusting long and slow against her. Poe’s hand on her hip runs down her thigh, his thumb on the inside of her knee, which has her thrusting up against him. Lips against her temple, he lets out a quiet hum. His fingers curl around the back of her calf, bringing it up, and Rey takes her cue to hitch up over his hip, which she does easily.

Rey’s eyes are closed again, trying to catalogue the dozens of pinpoints of sensation. Poe firm against her and pressure building between her legs, but also his back under her leg; Finn’s mouth exploring the skin of her face while hands ghost over her ribs. Above her, she hears Poe murmur something, and Finn smiles against her cheek. His hand moves down from her ribs down her side, and then his fingernails are tracing light patterns against the inside of her knee. She jerks up against into Poe again.

“Found it,” Finn murmurs against her cheek.

She kisses him for a breathless second, arousal coursing through her, then looks at Poe. “When do you tell me Finn’s?” she asks, brushing her knuckles against his abdomen.

“It’s not a race,” Poe says. “There’ll be time to find out.”

She reaches her hand up, digs her nails into the side of his neck. 

His hips stutter against her. Poe pulls her hand away from his neck, presses a wet kiss to her palm. “Not a race,” he repeats, his voice thick.

But it feels like it. She feels like she’s on the final sprint of something, everything prickling and thrumming. There’s heat between her thighs, increasing with every press of Poe’s body, every press of Finn’s mouth. “Touch me,” she tells Finn between a kiss.

His hand goes between her legs, fingers brushing a sensitive spot.

She lets out a keening noise thrusts against his touch. Her body has never felt like this before, arousal pulsing through her quick enough to make her dizzy. 

She moans as she comes.

Poe is right behind her, a full press of his body down against her, before he rolls off to the side, panting against her neck. Rey stares at the ceiling, body thrumming with pleasure, distantly aware of Poe reaching over her and down Finn’s boxers.

And then they lie there sweaty, Rey lying with Finn on her left and Poe squeezed on her right.

“Good?” Poe asks.

“Good,” she says, distantly. “Very good.”

“Very good?” Finn repeats.

Rey closes her eyes, smiling.

“Before you fall asleep, I think Poe should get the middle.”

“I don’t think I can move,” she murmurs.

“He does that,” Finn says.

Poe just laughs. He shifts onto Rey for a brief second, kissing her forehead, and then he rolls into the middle.

“You’re…” Finn murmurs, his head on Poe’s shoulder, his fingers running over his skin. There’s a flushed contentedness to Finn, an open happiness and radiating warmth, his adoration for Poe evident in his wide smile.

Rey curls around Poe’s side and presses a kiss to his collarbone. “I agree,” she says.

Poe huffs a laugh. “And you two both,” he murmurs in reply.

*

The morning passes in a dazed contentedness. Against the wall, she has to climb over Poe and Finn to get out of bed, kissing each on the forehead as she passes over them. She goes through her morning routine, changing, dressing, stopping by the canteen in a blissful calm, before heading to the meditation room.

Settling onto her stool, a shiver goes up her back. There’s a cool breeze in the desert – not disrupting the sand, but clearing away the space for a flower to bloom.

She can feel Luke make his way to the room. She doesn’t open her eyes. “Good morning,” she greets, voice light.

He is neutral but for a brief thrum of approval.

She keeps meditating.

With her decision made – she choses to be a Jedi, and she choses Finn and Poe – her mind is entirely settled. There is no conflict. Only a clarity. She needs to advance in her training, she needs to learn how to wield a lightsaber, but the time will come, Luke will train her when she is ready. She has a deep-rooted anger inside her, she knows, but it will need time to heal and fade.

She can look at things objectively. She has what she wants. And she wants more, but those items – more in-depth training, a reunion with her mother – will come when the time is right.

For now, it feels like the Force is thrumming through everything and circling through her. 

She feels Anakin manifest.

“Rey,” he starts, quietly.

She hums.

“Whatever you’re feeling right now, hold it.”

She’s feeling the thrum of care in Poe around the hum of the hangar, feeling it in Finn’s as his heart expands as he goes around the med bay. It’s a desert flower. It’s all the green in the universe, from the forest of Takodana to the protective green of the Jedi to desert flowers growing up through the sand. Five petals, each perfectly shaped in a complete alignment, everything in perfect balance.

“It’s remarkable,” Anakin continues.

“You’re doing very well,” Luke adds.

Luke’s compliment has her opening her eyes, seeking his approval. But Luke is not there. There is nothing but the wall. She frowns, and then looks down to see Luke. 

It’s startling, and she starts to– 

“Hold it,” Luke and Anakin say.

She steadies herself. And then looks around again. “Am I…?”

“Accomplishing a feat that Padawans cannot? That takes even accomplished Jedi Knights years?” Anakin asks. He shakes his head, awed. “I could never manage it.”

“It takes a great deal of control and connection to the Force.”

She feels the pride of Luke, the ghost whisper echoed in Anakin. It’s across the base reflected in Leia. Further, fainter, Finn’s heart flutters with it.

“Your body cannot connect with the Force until your mind has. All you see a Jedi do, every physical action that pushes at normal physiological boundaries, that comes from being balanced and mindful, at one with the Force. What you are doing… The extent of your power is amazing,” Anakin concludes.

“Which makes control that much more important,” Luke adds. It’s not a reprimand, not a reminder, just a comment.

She nods.

“Definitely from Padme’s side of the family,” Anakin says.

A laugh flows out of Rey. She closes her eyes, sinks back into the desert. In some ways, this doesn’t feel like meditation. There is no silence or isolation – only an awareness and connection.

*

She feels Luke approach. His Force connection manifests in her mind’s eye and makes him as clear as if she saw him.

“Rey,” he murmurs quietly, “I am going to place my right hand on your left hand, and my left hand on your left knee.”

She opens her mouth to comment on his talkativeness, but her throat goes tight, paralysed.

“Don’t open your eyes, and do not speak. You have been levitating this entire session. For someone with as little time training as you have had, this has been an incredible drain of your energy. If you are not careful, you will injure yourself.”

A brief worry flutters through her. _But you’ll help me._

_Yes._

_But this connection is not what I should be–_

“I need you to focus on easing out,” Luke agrees. 

Easing out, she thinks. Her mental connection is strong, but should be, and that should not be something she lessens. Her physical connection, though… she rolls her shoulders back, imagining the Force fade with the tension.

He guides her, squeezing her hand.

She feels the cushion under her, and she opens her eyes. She stands up, and immediately sways.

“Do you want assistance?”

She shakes her head. “It’s not too far away.” This is not pain, only exhaustion. She has been through worse.

She sludges towards the room. Immediately regrets it. Hallways seem unending, and even though she tries to count her steps, her concentration keeps lapsing. With it, she sways, falls against the walls. She digs deep, makes her way there. She opens the door, BB-8 trills a greeting, and Rey just shuffles through the room.

“Rey are you okay?” Finn asks.

“Bed first,” she grits out, throat raw. Countless steps later, she flops down on the bed.

“Rey?” Poe prompts.

She lets out a long sigh. Now that she no longer has to focus on moving, or keeping upright, she manages to say, “Training. Exhausted. Don’t think I can move.”

Poe’s a flicker of confusion and concern, while Finn is just assessing. They speak quietly, their voices starting to lull her to sleep.

“Well you need to take a few layers off and get under the covers,” Poe says.

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“Want me to help?”

She makes a noise she hopes sounds vaguely affirmative.

Poe starts to undress her, movements already well-worn. Her skin responds to his touch, but she’s still too exhausted to do more than enjoy the sensations. Finn lifts up the sheets so Poe can slide her under the covers.

“Kiss me,” she murmurs.

Poe does so, a brush of his lips against the corner of her mouth.

Rey turns to Finn, who curls up next to her and takes his cue to do the same.

And then she passes out.

*

Rey wakes up, mentally feeling great and refreshed. Her body is also refreshed, but moving is sluggish. Finn is already in the showers. Rey gets dressed. 

She hasn’t been this sedentary her entire life, so she starts stretching to limber herself up. Perhaps she can ask if there’s any facility on the base she could use to practice climbing. Rey reaches up to stand on her tip toes, fingers nearly brushing against the low ceiling. Then she bends over, touching her fingers down to the floor. Then she raises herself up, and twists her torso to the left, to the right.

And she stills, and sees that Poe is on his side, staring at her.

He shakes his head, waves a hand. "Don't mind me," he says. "Feel free to keep going."

A blush rises on her face. "What?" she asks.

He just gestures her to come over. She slowly does, as he moves to the edge of the bed. He lost his shirt at some point in the night. He reaches up, grabs the edges of the tabard, and pulls her down for a kiss.

It's soft and sweet, and Rey smiles against it. "Poe–" she starts.

But his hands and traveled down her sides to settle onto her hips, and he pulls her on top of him.

She lets out a startled laugh as she lands on him. His hands are on her lower back, fingers rubbing slow circles. "Poe, I have to get to training."

"I know," he tells her, before reaching up and kissing her again.

She opens her mouth into it, letting him explore with long, lazy strokes of his tongue. She starts getting lightheaded and pulls back. "I'm going to be late," she tells him. His chest is warm against her palms.

"I know," he repeats. "Moment you move away, I'm not going to stop you."

Rey frowns down at him, but leans in and presses another kiss to his lips. "You are a scoundrel," she tells him.

"Uh, Rey?" Finn asks from behind her.

Poe moves his head to the side to look past Rey. "When did you get out of the shower?" he asks.

"About the third kiss in," Rey tells him.

"Sorry, I was a little bit distracted," Poe says. "Feel free to join in, though."

Rey tenses, and rolls off of Poe, standing ramrod straight.

Poe starts, "What–" but is interrupted by a chirp of the door.

Rey pulls her robe back straight, and then answers the door. "I am sorry, Master Skywalker," she says. "I know prompt training is important to you, and I–"

Luke raises a hand, but he doesn't look disappointed or displeased. If anything, he looks amused as his gaze flicks over her shoulder.

Rey really hopes that Poe has put a shirt on. She turns around. He hasn’t. She waves at him, then at thankfully-dressed newly-showered Finn. She steps out of the door, already planning the defense of their relationship.

Luke doesn't move. Only continues peering into the room.

Rey presses up onto to her toes to see where he's staring.

It's at Finn.

Finn frowns, and looks behind him. Then back to Luke.

Luke just raises his hand, and beckons for Finn to follow.

Rey feels a smile widening on her face.

Finn looks dumbfounded. “What?”

"Told you," Poe says, throwing a pillow at Finn.

"No," Finn says. "I can't be– I'm not–"

"C'mon, Finn," Rey says gleefully. "We can’t keep Master Skywalker waiting."

BB-8 trills happily in the background.

“I still don’t speak droid,” Finn murmurs.

Poe climbs out of bed – thankfully in sleeping pants – and claps Finn on the shoulder. “Have fun at Jedi training.” The teasing in his voice is overshadowed by his wide beam.

Finn dazedly walks out of the room.

Luke nods, and starts leading them to the meditation room.

Rey can’t contain all her excitement. “I knew it,” she tells him in an undertone. “I don’t know how to describe it, but I just _knew it._ ”

“I didn’t,” he replies. “I’m not– I’m not a Jedi.”

“No, you’re a Padawan. Like me. Although you get to skip the braid, lucky.”

Finn just continues to look dazed, but contemplative. Small things in his life clicking into place.

Rey remembers the feeling. She doesn’t say anything, just grins to herself.

There’s three cushions in the middle of the meditation room.

“Just watch and learn,” Rey whispers, before taking her seat, closing her eyes. After a few minutes, she opens one eye, sees that Finn is perfectly at ease. Which, given that he’s been meditating every morning while with the Resistance – and likely longer – makes perfect sense.

She smiles.

*

There's a shift. Subtle at first, but growing, growing. Rey turns to the door, and sees that Finn has done the same. Luke looks torn between smiling and frowning.

There's a knock at the door. A moment later, Leia walks in.

Luke nods at her. Rey nods at her.

"General Organa," Finn says. Then he purses his lips together and nods at her.

Leia just huffs a laugh. "I'm glad to see Luke's finally pulled you into training," she tells him. Then she turns to Luke. "You know what I need to ask."

Luke nods.

"You going to argue about it, or you going to let me get along with my day?"

Luke sighs.

"Good." Leia looks smug as she turns back to them. "Rey, come with me, please."

Last time she had been asked to go somewhere, Luke had made his position quite clear. And even now, he looks displeased.

But the air is without that tension.

"It's okay, Rey," Leia says. "I've talked to _Master Skywalker_ about how padawans and mentors both need to take a break. And this is well-deserved, from what he’s told me.”

Rey rises from her seat, and follows Leia to her office.

Leia turns to her. "Rey," she says, softly. "I need you to understand... I’ve agreed with some aspects of the Jedi Code and their pedagogy, disagreed with others, and on some matters I still don’t know what the best decision is. But when it comes to training, and removing yourself from attachments, I can understand where they were coming from. Friends, family, lovers, those attachments can cloud your judgement.”

Rey looks away, feeling her face heat up.

“Oh, no, this isn’t about that. I’m happy for the three of you. From what I can tell, it’s only made you stronger. My concern is not with them. I’ve been working the past three weeks to get a formal Senate hearing to propose legislation to stop the First Order. In two days, I’m finally getting it. The First Order has sway and contacts on Coruscant. There are concerns for my safety. Chewie isn’t enough, or so I’m told. So I’m bringing you and Kaydel Ko with me, to act as my handmaidens.”

“Alright,” Rey says. She’s heard of Coruscant – a city and planet in one, the center of the galaxy.

“I need you to get what you need to ready yourself, Kaydel Ko will help you with finding some better travel attire, and she’ll help me fill you in on the way.”

Rey nods. And frowns. There’s something she’s missing, and she waits.

Leia looks at Rey in an expectant manner. “Rey,” she repeats. “We're going to the Senate.”

The implication sets in.

*

Finn catches up with her in the hallway. “I got Master Skywalker to let me take a break to get something to eat. What was that about?”

Rey shakes her head.

Poe jogs up to them. “R2 told BB-8 that I need to see you two. What’s going on?”

“I’m leaving,” Rey says.

“What?” they both ask.

“Is this about–” Poe starts.

Rey shakes her head. “General Organa is taking me with her to Coruscant.”

“She’s finally getting her Senate meeting?” Poe asks, perking up.

Rey nods.

Finn frowns. “What else? Are you going to be gone long?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s politics,” Poe says. “So probably.”

“What’s wrong, Rey?” Finn asks.

“It’s not wrong,” she says. She finally really looks at the both of them. “I’m going to Coruscant. To the Galactic Senate. I’m… I’m going to meet my mother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Extended author notes can be found [here](http://mienuxbleu.tumblr.com/post/143898793165/oudoom-ennicht-extended-ch1-notes).
> 
> Also, buckle in folks, this is going to be a long one.


End file.
